We would hold hands and feel the proximity of our happy hearts. His smile and the brightness in love with his clear eyes had me suspended in the intense joy of living. Marisol was sacred to me. Everyone disappeared when I was at his side. All my movements were part of a special melody. Life had become a great symphony, full of beautiful contrasts in which the violins were the smiles of the employees, the drums the work, the guitar the body of Marisol, because with those curves what else ?, the trumpets were represented by the roosters with their toned singing, the basses were the mooing of the hungry calves, the flutes were the sparrows, the saxophone the horse, the boxes were the pigeons and the conductor of the orchestra was me. Since she forgave me the initial daring, the agitation of my soul had disappeared, the darkness became beautiful and my freedom immense. << Oh freedom that you perfume the mountains of my earth, let my children aspire, your fragrant essences. I was born proud and free, on a mountain range Antioquia, I tell the Colombians that our land is very beautiful >> I sang in love with life.
<< Today I will see her! ... >> It was the first exclamation when I woke up and realized that I could enjoy the clear joy of a new day. When I opened my eyes every morning, I thanked God for being alive and very healthy, to be able to enjoy all the pleasures that the blue and happy world has for us. Marisol was like a magnet that attracted me and took me to her side at all times; we stayed talking for long hours and time flew like an enchanted seagull. I never tired of looking at her; I liked her slender figure, I was impressed by her soft and romantic tone, her animated expression maddened me, I fell in love with her delicate and feminine hands, which made her a fine and exquisite woman. On the morning of a beautiful day, in which I was walking near the lakes where the trout were grown, I could see the beautiful cartouches that were born on its banks, growing with their exotic forms, like a few glasses that want to toast with the unreachable firmament. I could not resist the temptation and I chose four of the most beautiful flowers, I went to take them to the house and I found it very busy; I waited a few seconds while she finished packing some groceries and, petrified by her childhood joy, I could not help but say:

-       Because you are the most beautiful woman in the universe, I brought you these flowers to decorate your room! ...
- Thank you! - She told me, feeling happy to inhale the soft aroma of the purest glasses.
- Tell me, how does it feel to be the most beautiful woman in the world? ... Why did you realize you are the most beautiful, or not?
- No! - he exclaimed jokingly.
- How many years did you realize you were precious? ... Better said, when were you twelve years old what did you thinking about yourself?
- I was a fool. Yes, a complete fool.
- Do not be so modest - I advised, bewildered - You are the smartest girl I know and, besides, God has made you immensely sensual, has made you eyes and mouth pretty, has given you a sculptural body and that you have to thank, because that beauty will allow you to succeed in life. Or do not you like that everyone admires you?
- I want you to admire me for my way of being and my thoughts. I want to succeed with my feelings and not with my body.
- That's true, but the best thing is that, you, you're beautiful inside and out.
So were the conversations we held in the evenings when I decided to be quietly by his side.
Every day I brought him cartridges and we stayed talking for a long time. When we were alone we embraced each other to calm the anxiety our hearts felt when separated.
The love I felt for Marisol was immense; it was like emptiness or a need for its warmth, its perfume, its tenderness, its smile, its happiness, its world and of it.
<< Marisol has me crazy and I want to tell everyone. >> I told my feathered athletes more than once that I did not stop training.

- CHAPTER NUMBER FIVE -

Don Pablo, the old administrator, and I were in the corral, studying how to get the most out of the roosters we were going to take to the gallera.
- Alejandro, forgive me for distrusting your attitudes, but I think you are very effusive and you have to control yourself a little.
- The truth is that I feel very nervous - I recognized before the advice of the old man -, but let's take it in the following way: if I am accelerated and concentrate all that energy in positivism, luck will be with us; On the other hand, if I assume a calm attitude, energy is lost and everything will be a failure.
- You are worse than Don Ricardo, who is going to die of old age and has not been able to learn that good or bad luck does not exist. Only what Jesus Christ wants to happen happens and it's over.
At that same moment "the guitarist" arrived and he ordered us to take the suitcases because the boss was ready.
- Does he notice, Alejo? ... It's barely two in the afternoon and the boss's know-it-all is already harassing. Now we arrive and you, as they are nervous, they start drinking brandy and they are going to lose everything they have won.
- Do not be pessimistic, Don Pablo - I protested, trying to ward off the bad thought -, let's see what the boss says and dream with the money we need to free the boys and to be happy.
Don Ricardo was very nervous, I could not resist the desire to be in the cockpit again and without giving we time of anything.

- Let’s go at once! - ordered getting on the road.
The boss was extremely nervous. You could tell he could not control his anxiety.
He did not notice the animals that I chose and he went out thinking about other things. We moved through the large garden and suddenly, as if realizing what we were doing, he asked: How many animals do you have? Do you carry the winners? - And, without waiting for my answer, he shouted to Don Pablo:
- Who invited you? I'm not going anywhere with a lump of salt like this old man!
- Look, boss - I explained coming out in defense of the old man -, you and I are very agitated, that's why we take a cold man, so that he controls us and protects us.
- Protect us? Are you stupid or what? ... Lighter earn us money if this old man is at our side. Imagine that all the calves I have given him die of symptomatic charcoal; he gives his pigs swine fever. He was never able to father a child and, to finish adjusting; he married a woman with a crooked head and uglier than the devil. Do you find that little bad luck?
- Take me, boss! - Pleaded the administrator of the farm, wanting to serve something - You know that when they say "lump of salt" is to chat.
- We ignore the superstitions and let us accompany us to be part of a sure triumph - I concluded, trying to convince the boss.
- Well, said Don Ricardo - but with one condition. If we lose money in the cockpit, tomorrow you leave the farm with your bad luck. Because he knows one thing, Don Pablo, everything bad that has happened on this farm, in the last thirty years, is his fault.

The old man was sad with those last words and did not open his mouth on the entire trip.
We all went thoughtful and in the cockpit they were already waiting for us. In a second the roosters weighed us and accommodated us in the box of honor. It seemed to me that these compulsive players were preparing for our defeat. They looked at us with the mocking smile of concentrated hatred and what the boss feared in bringing Don Pablo ended up happening.
Here is how the tragedy happened.
- Take the rooster they want, we come knocking down everything that moves - Don Ricardo shouted emboldened -. Rival to move, rival that goes to heaven.
- Calm down, boss, you yourself know what in these games of chance there is nothing sure! - I advised against the man's haste.
- Let me bullfight, so they bet all the money they have - he said without paying attention to my words -. I come to take a fight covered with whoever wants. Did you hear, Don Juan?
Juan was a blond and very tall boy, a member of Don Omar "the tiger"; owner of several restaurants and a compulsive player of roosters.
What was there, Don Ricardo? Very accelerated or what? - Asked the questioned to the challenge of the boss - Remember that he who plays by necessity loses by obligation.
- Well, let's pretend that I came to lose and, for more proof, I brought Don Pablo that is a bad luck package and you yourselves know it. So take me out the champion and play whatever you want. Get together with all your friends and bring me "the tiger" or a lion, I'm going to kill them with a cooked chicken.

In effect, all the men met very offended and, leaving us at the bar of the business, they talked for a few minutes.
- Ready, Don Ricardo, take out the devil himself that we brought him to "Rambo" of La Unión Antioquia. "Shaggy and eat potatoes", so you can take what is good and that is with sixty million pesos, so that you will ruin lighter.
- Ready, boys, put the spurs - the boss concluded, and I stared at him.
- What are we going to fight, boss?
- What, what? ... There we do not have five winners; throw them "The head of snake", "The leg of duck" or whatever.
I put myself without knowing what to do; we had four small animals and one too big. In roosters, as in boxing, the heavier and bigger hits harder and there are more chance of winning. I decided on the golden rooster, which weighed three pounds and fourteen ounces; it was impossible for them to get one bigger than that one.
- Show the animal! - Juan exclaimed, as if frightened by Don Ricardo's resolution.
- If you really want to see feathers, I give you a dozen chickens so you can sit and watch them every day at home.
Juan, feeling offended, dedicated himself to putting the tortoiseshell spurs and did not say anything again. I made myself at a separate table, so they would not see the huge animal that we were going to fight. Soon the roosters were ready and we took them to the roundabout. I released the golden rooster and was almost double the opponent. Luck was with us again. Don Ricardo, in the middle of his madness, had married a very good fight. That quarrel was practically in our pockets.
- No wonder they had it so guarded, but calm that the fight between David and Goliath is going to be repeated - said Juan, given the impossibility of backing down.

The judge explained the rules of the fight and we released the gladiators. The golden rooster entered dominating, hit the small rival and sent him against the boards without giving him any opportunity.
- It is that you are very advantageous - said Juan, sensing an outcome against him, although the comrades joked resigned.
- In two minutes the little David was bathed in blood, and the giant of us hit him without receiving a single scratch; although a little suffocated by its size. The owners of the opponent cast satires when feeling cheated; we smiled giving the fight for won. Suddenly, the little animal jumped and stabbed our huge animal, which came out jumping in the strong convulsions of death.
The cockpit burst into loud cries of joy.
We lost and we could not believe it.
Don Ricardo turned pale and, in the middle of his despair, reproached Don Pablo, blaming him for the incident.
- If you want to continue working, with me, you leave immediately, where your bad luck cannot touch us. You heard me?
The old man went away completely dejected, Don Ricardo looked at him and ...
- How much money do we have left? - He asked in my ear, his voice cracking with fury.
- About a hundred and forty million pesos with post-dated checks. I think we have ...
- Shut up! - He ordered me -. Play "The head of snake", and bet another sixty million pesos, which in that cock is revenge.
Juan did not have a rooster that weighed three pounds and an ounce, but he got it with a boy nephew of the richest man in town.
- We play this with the money you want - the young man warned Don Ricardo -; is sponsored by Don Omar "the tiger", who gave me a blank check and you know what that signature is sacred.

The young man handed the check to Don Ricardo, so he could verify the authenticity.
- Show the animal to my boy, and we'll see if there's a fight.
The chicken was much younger than ours; it was a turn of black legs and did not seem special. I accepted the bet and gave the boss confidence:
- Here is revenge, boss, bet sixty million that this is a turtledove that never wins us.
I impatiently wedged our champion and, in a heartbeat, we were in the fight.
We let go of the roosters after listening to the judge's instructions and "The snake's head" went very slowly and began to receive many wounds. They collided again and again, and before we knew it, our rooster lost both eyes and was completely blind. From that moment everything was against us; the audience shouted and we, in silence, expected a miracle. "The snake's head" showed its breed and at times it tied the fight, hitting strong kicks. It took about ten minutes of suffering and, in the end; we lost with an animal completely bled.
- You are to blame! You for insisting that we bring that bad old man!
- What a pity, sir, but I just gave an opinion. Or is it that I knew what was going to happen?
- What will you know, you, who is a fool - said the boss treating me badly.
I took off the purse that contained the spurs and, throwing it on a table, I turned around to leave.

- What a beauty of a fagot you are, Alejandro! ... And so he kept looking at my daughter, who is a real female. You criticized Michael a lot and now, by a simple scolding, he is behaving worse than him. Come back here, boy, what are we going to recover what was lost! - pleaded the old calmer. I turned around and came back as if nothing had happened.
- Let's see, what else do they have out there? - Juan asked, emboldened.
- We have an Englishman who weighs three pounds and four ounces.
- Ah! Is that the killer who has three fights winning before the minute? Ready. I have a one-eyed cock to fight with, and I warn - he shouted to all the people - that he is a rooster, so that no one bets in my favor. I'm going to give them sixty million pesos so they can take good revenge.
- If you receive me some checks signed by Don Omar "El Tigre", we make that fight.
Don Juan knew that the checks were good and he accepted. Don Ricardo looked for a friend and told him to wear our rooster. I sat in the gallery completely offended, by the attitude of the old man who moved me. Everything was humiliating, however, I made a last effort and I went to watch that they placed, our animal, the spurs well placed and with precision. The man seemed honest and I could not notice anything abnormal. The concern was cleared when the public was in favor of our poor plucked animal. In that fight was bet, double to simple, in favor of the cock of us, and that encouraged me although I could not get rid of the bad feeling that anguished my soul. Gustavo, that was the name of the man who faced the rooster, led the fight with mastery in the little that lasted. The animals bounced and in the first three stirrings the quality of ours was noticeable. I looked at the clock and at twenty seconds, the Englishman who was our last hope, received a stab that paralyzed him. The man Don Ricardo had chosen to direct our destinies, tried to stop it, but the animal remained as our spirit, fallen forever. The rest of the afternoon was sorrows, spirits and feelings of guilt. Don Ricardo began to drink liquor and I, sitting on the first level of the stands, took care of him until nightfall and decided to leave the place. With the few pesos that I had left I went to a hotel and, without thinking about the suitcases in which we had taken the roosters and not even the boss I had left abandoned, I lay down to rest. The fever took over my whole body and that night was unbearable.
I opened my eyes and the reality of our defeat fell on me, like a flock of cold water. I lay on my bed and spent about three hours on my back, with my hands crossed under my head. There had been a catastrophe and I could not stop thinking about my beloved. How to look her in the eyes after this great defeat? ... We had lost the lives of his brothers playing.
With hopes lying on the floor, with lost dreams and the accumulated fatigue of several days of heavy work, I jumped out of bed and went to roam the city. Later, at about midday, I realized how the boss's night ended. He lost the cars and animals that were mostly sold. In the cockpit he was joined by the same man who faced "the English" and who was constantly directing his game. That man was a thief and, in a fight, Don Ricardo realized that the subject had put the spurs upside down. The boss treated him badly, telling him the most vulgar words of the Spanish, and even hit him in the face with a slap. He lost everything and more, because he even signed some checks with forty days.

It was a complete defeat.
They lost the roosters and I lost my love.
It has been ten days since we had the defeat. I am living where my aunt and I have not had the courage to talk to Marisol. She is very proud and I have nothing to offer. I never imagined that it would end so badly. I knew that the game was risky, but that fatal night I behaved like a real idiot; I let that poor desperate man handle the things that I should have directed. Of course! ... He had too many pressures and I was supposed to be the point of equilibrium ... I became clouded and dragged by the inevitable consequences of the catastrophe that I originated; a catastrophe of immense proportions, that at no time I could imagine.
The guerrillas had insisted on the ransom, although everyone knew that the old man had nothing to pay for.
<< I do not even want to imagine the anguish that my dear Marisol must be suffering. But what can I do, if I am a poor wretch without a coin in my pocket? My hands are tied and I feel very bad knowing that my beloved is dying of pain, and I cannot do anything to save her. >> I thought completely cowed.

- CHAPTER NUMBER SIX -


Now he was completely alone.
<< I spend the days and I do not know what to do. Oh, how sad and monotonous is this town! ... >>
I was thinking about the past and the sad story I had that day. I could not find a way to move on; how to take root and continue living, if I failed my great love. She was waiting for the return of her triumphant man. How did I present myself as a package of misery? No, it could not be, even if I died, I would never drag my shame before his eyes.
I was sleeping until twelve o'clock in the day. The aunt of my aunt was very bored screaming about everything, and I had to leave. I walked through the park without knowing what to do. The afternoon was beautiful and the market was in full swing, but nothing was attractive to me. << Did you enter the cinema or did you continue walking aimlessly? >> I thought stopping at a corner of the town. I looked everywhere without being able to decide. For me, everything was lost. I did not care about anything since the last failure I had. Suddenly, around the corner, the sound of shots was heard. The people ran in search of a shelter and I also ran without knowing what was happening. I took refuge in a canteen in the company of many people. The ladies arrived and, to the discomfort of their heels, added the bad physical condition of their years, and, in the midst of their nervousness, none could explain what happened. A few minutes passed and the scandal subsided. The curious investigated the event and, shortly after, it was learned that a boy had been killed. All the people ran to look at the corpse and I walked slowly behind them. The crowd surrounded the corpse and I, with a little fright, I made my way among the people and I understood that I liked to watch everything that happened in that town devoid of emotions. The poor man was lying in the middle of the street. A lot of people were crowding around and everyone was worried.

- What a horrible thing, my God! What a great misfortune! - were the comments of those who observed.
I made my way as best I could and managed to observe the boy in his agony. On the floor was the young man with two or three shots in the head. Blood flowed from the right parietal and one of his eyes was swollen and completely purple. You could see that the wounds were deadly; however, the boy was agitated resisting death.
- Take him to a medical center! - screamed one of the curious.
- Does he have no relatives, or what? - Asked another man - Look, that boy can be saved.
The police did not appear anywhere and nobody dared to touch the wounded. Apparently, none understood what had happened to the young man who was dying abandoned. I went to his side and bent down to look at him well and ... I recognized him.
- It's Marcelo, the boss's son! - I screamed in anguish, while taking his bloody head in my hands - He was kidnapped and lived here very close, in the farm "Guadalajara" of Don Ricardo Restrepo. Help me take it to the hospital that I pay for everything! - I pleaded, pretending an economic solidity that did not possess. The people collaborated and we carry it hands and feet. His head was limp and I thought it better to put him in a car, because the medical center was a little removed.
- A taxi please! ... A taxi! - I shouted. Nobody collaborated and I, letting go of the wounded man, went through the first car that came; It was a red countryman, driven by a very elegant blond man.

- Look, sir, they've hurt my brother. Could you please take me to the health post? - I asked desperately. The man looked at me scared and without ignoring me he started. I, full of fury, I screamed at the top of my lungs.
- I am going to kill you! I know you and I swear I'm going to kill you tomorrow, you bastard! "The man went on and at that time no more cars passed. Despair overtook my senses; completely embarrassed I approached Marcelo and raised his head trying to stop the bleeding. Someone brought a glass of water and I brought it to the lips of the wounded man who was breathing hard. My friend was very bad and the water was a useless effort. The lord of the red camp came back as sorry. People helped me lift it and in a few seconds we were going to the hospital. We traveled eight or nine blocks and arrived at full speed. The guard of the place brought a stretcher and we climbed the dying man into it. We entered him for emergencies and the doctors received him quickly. Before the man left the country, I gave him the phone number of the farm and asked him to call Don Ricardo << Tell him that Marcelo was wounded and that he is, with Alejandro, in the hospital San Juan de Dios >> I was next to the boss's son. They were going to enter surgery and a doctor wanted to stop me when I was going to enter the operating room.
- I do not separate from him for a second - I shouted angrily.
- Who are you? - The doctor asked, sympathetic.
- I am his brother - I lied decisively.
- Good. Put on this mask and let us work quietly - explained the doctor while preparing the injured person for a special surgery. The nurses stripped him naked in an instant. They left him in his underpants and they cleaned his blood.

- What kind of blood is he? - asked the surgeon. I did not know what to say. They searched the identity documents and did not appear either. In the middle of that bustle Marcelo began to convulse and all the doctors were aware of him. His chest swelled hard and trembled, shaking the nurses who were holding him. A doctor checked his pulse and suddenly shouted:
- Quick, a cardiac massage that has gone into unemployment - The nurses moved away and another doctor, who had the face of a priest, with his hands entwined, pushed his chest. He massaged it several times. He looked at the dilated pupil and everything was silent. I cried out in despair, begging them to massage him more.
- Are they going to let him die, or what? The doctor embraced me and with sincere dejection told me:
- There is nothing to do. I am sorry. You are very nervous, go to the nurse to give you an injection.
Everything was incredible, that seemed like a dream. I left like crazy. The ideas did not reach my brain. I sat on the scales at the entrance to that little hospital, and, with my head in my hands, I remained there for a long time.
- Alejandro Saldarriaga, please, on the phone - a nurse announced, filling me with surprise.
- Yes, it's me - I said not knowing what to do.
- On the phone, please - he repeated pointing to the receiver that was resting on the information desk. I advanced like a sleepwalker and ...
- Hello! - I exclaimed.
- Alejandro, is that true? - The patron asked sobbing.
- Yes, sir, he died a minute ago - I affirmed with pain. On the other side of the line there were shouts, a few seconds passed and the anguished voice returned.

- Stay with him, so he does all the laps, because I'm not in a position to do anything.
- Well, sir, but call the funeral home, to come as quickly as possible - insinuate trying to guide the disappointed father who blindly trusted me, despite everything.
The dead man was taken on a stretcher to the morgue, which was a room separated from the rest of the building and located at the end of a beautiful garden. Thirty minutes passed and I, in the midst of solitude, reflected on destiny. << Some people are killed by money, like the boss's son who took his life for a few miserable bills, others are killed by the absence of money, like my father and mother who died in misery leaving a deep wound in my heart. >>
Three or four women arrived with the intention of browsing; They approached the morgue and silently waited for someone to open the door to the room where the body of the young man they wanted to see was located. I did not pay much attention and continued dedicated to the contemplation of the flowers of the garden; there were San Joaquin reds, yellow begonias and blue agapanthus; there were also anthuriums and among them was the black anthurium, which looked like mourning like my soul.
The doctor arrived and I, rising from where he was, ran to meet him.
- You, is the dead man's brother, right?
- Yes, sir - I answered firmly.
- Then come to help me cut it.
We entered the small room and left the door open to let in enough light. The girls peeked curiously as the doctor and I removed the dried blood that still remained on the deceased's chest. The athletic and tanned body contradicted the disfigurement and the pallor of the bloody face.

- I need you to hold him by the feet, because I'm going to open it to see what happened to him.
- What happened to him? ... Perhaps, you yourself did not realize that he was hit in the head by some shots - I protested at the possibility of being practiced by the macabre intervention.
- I, anyway, by regulation, I have to do the complete autopsy. Of course, yes, you do not want to be here, I understand.
- Do me a favor, doctor - I pleaded with the voice broken by the feeling before leaving the morgue -, do not split it very much, that there is no need; You know what happened to you, do not you?
- Yes, well, it's fine.
- Was he his brother? - One of the curious girls asked me, when I was leaving the place.
- Yes - I answered dryly to save the explanation.
- He was very beautiful and had a spectacular body - said the beautiful little girl who would have been the perfect woman for him. She was a brunette with black eyes, with wide hips and about eighteen years. He was masterful, although he could not be compared to Marisol; with the extraordinary Marisol that is the luminous motive of my sleeplessness. -. Doctor, if you want I help you hold it - the girl dared to say.
The doctor accepted and I walked away with hurried steps. I was meditating for a long time in the garden, until they finished the work.
- Ready! You can call the funeral home and take your brother to watch him at home.
The young girl came out very pale and the other girls went to meet her.
- What a horrible thing! - Exclaimed without being able to leave the astonishment - he was completely cold and the doctor cut him and extracted the viscera and the brain everywhere.

She thought that she was going to get a boyfriend and she found herself facing the terrible reality of death. The women left after the traumatizing experience and the funeral home, which had not yet arrived, took a long time before appearing.
An hour of long waiting had passed, when they appeared and began with the preparation of the body. They asked me for help and I also denied them. I was not in a position to do any of those unpleasant things. They managed as best they could and at thirty minutes we were already traveling in the hearse, in search of the wake room. We arrived with the dead man and none of the relatives was in the wake room. I only thought of Marisol, who was the only woman and, therefore, the one who must have been saddest.
We had time to organize the coffin and to place the habit of the Virgin of Carmen to the corpse. Marcelo remained with his mouth between open and had his chin and cheeks completely covered with beard.
- Shall we shave it or leave it like that to nature? - The gravedigger asked.
- I think it's better to shave it, so that the family can find it with a good image.
They brought a razor and one of the employees shaved it with soap and water.
People began to arrive and Marisol launched herself in search of my arms. He hugged me tightly and tears flowed abundantly.
- Alejandro, what are we going to do? - It was the only thing I could say. I was very sad but I was not able to cry; something was blocking my chest and not letting me breathe well. My brain was cloudy and I did not perceive things well. I embraced my love with strength and so we remained for a long time.

Night fell and Marisol, calmer, contemplated the people who came to say goodbye to her brother. Our hands joined and fingers interlaced, they brought our hearts together to face the terrible misfortune. Michael did not appear anywhere. The rich panic to the dead that the guerrillas have caused, because they fear that solidarity with the mourners will make them get free enemies within the ranks of insurgents, and we both with our tenderness, we will reveal to the people the purity of our relationship.
After two o'clock in the morning the people retired to sleep and the place was left alone. Don Ricardo and Doña Mirían, overcome by fatigue, asked me to please take care of everything, while they dozed for a while. I accepted with pleasure and Marisol stayed by my side. The women who attended the wake room also retired to sleep, but a few minutes before I was called to a small room where the red wine and the consommé were made, to explain the functioning of the coffee machine and the stove. I attended the explanations and they left, leaving Marisol and me silent. A few minutes passed and we, leaning against the table where the stove rested, embraced tenderly. Marisol was very pale and looked like a porcelain cunt. His body sought the warmth that my chest offered him and embraced me, taking refuge in my arms. I shook it against my soul and felt in the voluptuousness of his gaze, a change of attitude; His lips sought my respectful mouth and kissed me, awakening a great contradiction between death and the crazy cravings to live. We embraced each other with passion and our bodies were searched with desire. We caress with delight, feeling the softness and warmth of our feverish bodies. Suddenly, I remembered the place and the situation in which we were and I moved away to stop the madness that we were about to commit. I took her by the hand, and, in silence, we went to the living room where the few people there were singing a rosary for the soul of their beloved brother.

The night was not so long; very soon the new day was coming and I, with a lot of work, convinced Marisol to go and rest for a while.
About fifty minutes passed and the clock went very slowly since my beloved left. It had not yet dawned but it was beginning to thin. In the room the voices of the lazy people who had come to take shelter from the cold of dawn were heard. Two prostitutes alleged in the street and the vulgar words did not wait. The situation became unbearable, I got up from the sofa on which I was sitting, I left with determination and I was amazed by the amount of ragged people who were there sharing. Transvestites, prostitutes, drug addicts and all kinds of degenerates, took advantage of the space of light and meditation that our funeral offered them. I decided not to think about those people and I returned to the sofa with a slow and weak step. I relaxed and floated in my mind some other idea or fragments of ideas, like the faces of people who had been at the wake and that I had never seen. I thought of the village cemetery, of the depth of a dark tomb, of the smell of exotic flowers, and I also thought of the cartouche crops I had so much contemplated in Guadalajara.
From the towers of the imposing church came the ringing of the bells that announced the mass of six. The thoughts happened to each other and turned in the whirlpool of my dream, I got up from the nice chair, I went to the bathroom, I dunked my head, I combed my hair and I returned at the precise moment in which the woman arrived. Marcelo liked it and could never enjoy it. She was a girl of small stature, with very straight hair and thick black eyebrows; she was very well formed and looked like one of those modern dolls. The girl was submerged in deep sadness and cried continuously. Everything oppressed my heart, but not even a tear could escape my eyes. Everything mortified me too much, but that was life.

I missed my beloved illusion. The ward was filled with people.
Rogelio "gelatin", a friend of Don Ricardo, began to pray a complicated rosary and I prayed very lazily.
The morning continued and ...
Before I thought about it, it was nine o'clock in the morning. Ten minutes were left until the appointed time of the funeral. Don Ricardo, Dona Mirían and the girl, appeared over time, when the place was already crowded with people asking for them. I was like a sleepwalker, I did not realize anything, and the only thing I noticed was the warm contact of Marisol's hand on my hand. Love, in that instant of shadows, became cleaner, more beautiful and immaculate. People prayed loudly; they were going to take the corpse from the place to take it to the church and everyone sang a rosary that turned into sobs and bitter tears. Marisol cried, shouted and my hand tightened her weak hand, as if wanting to inject a little courage in that difficult moment.
Everything seemed like a dream that I cannot remember now. We were in mass and our hands were pressed to bring our love closer. The funeral procession was very numerous. The sympathy and appreciation that had awakened throughout his life, the righteousness and lordship of Don Ricardo, made all the people feel moved by the disappearance of the young boy in such violent conditions. We marched towards the cemetery and in the streets the people pressed to give the last goodbye to the deceased. I did not turn away from Marisol at any time. Don Ricardo and Doña Mirían in the midst of their pain did not even remember their existence.

We arrived at the cemetery and with hurried steps we placed ourselves in front of the vault that was going to keep the mortal remains of our friend and brother of the soul. Marisol raised her hand and, hanging from the coffin, tried to stop reality with an effort that rubbed her fingers against the polished wood. With a shove they pushed the coffin into the dark hole and the screams of pain became the general anguish of those who loved Marcelo. That was horrible. For the first time I saw a man like Don Ricardo, collapsing before the inclemency of an overwhelming reality. The boss was broken. That death had hurt him in the depths of his soul. The bricks quickly covered the hole in the tomb, and people began to go out in search of a new and less sad air.
The relatives decided to leave and, after a few minutes, we were left alone, wrapped in the sadness of leaving our beloved brother. Marisol did not stop crying and I hugged her, squeezing her tightly against my chest. I felt his tears moisten my neck and my heart filled with pain. Surround your waist with my arms and there we remained silent. The cemetery was completely empty and life continued to beat in our hearts. Without saying anything we started walking through the gloomy corridors. The smell of the flowers and the whiteness of the marble surrounded the atmosphere of a reassuring peace.
- Alejo! ... How could such a great misfortune have happened? - Marisol asked, agitated by the crying.

- Calm down, my queen! You have to be very brave for Marcelo to be proud of you! - I said, trying to console her anguished heart, while I embraced her to infect her with the strength of my soul. For a second our violent embrace made us lose balance and Marisol leaned her back against the marble ledge of a forgotten tomb. She leaned back a bit, and, looking into my eyes, she looked at me, then approached her fleshy mouth and kissed me with ardor. At that moment I was prettier than ever. I kissed her with love and my body crashed hard against his. Our mouths enjoyed the sweetness of a hot desire. In our bodies vibrated life, making contrast with the coldness of the angels sculpted in marble. The dark afternoon and the flowers that adorned the tombs were the frame of my uncontrollable daring; my body pressed it against the polished plates of the vaults and my leg felt its mount of Venus, protected by the black mourning that insisted on reaffirming death. I held her tightly and she, spreading her legs, let her body moisten in the madness of her desires. With my mouth ajar and the desire for a necessary contact, Marisol caressed my chest and I stood waiting like one of the statues of that cold pantheon. I squeezed it madly and closed my eyes burning with passion. Her restless hands clouded my senses and I began to feel her body with an uncontrollable desire, I reached the voluptuous softness of her firm hips and lifted her dress, discovering with lust the warmth of her legs. I caressed her violently and made her tremble with joy, my fingers penetrating her moist and hot crotch like never before. She embraced me with the strength of a carnal desire, and, without thinking, I lifted her a little and supported her on the ledge of the marble, I removed her underwear and placed my filly in her burning pussy. A scream of emotion escaped his chest and I, with a violent blow, pushed his flesh away from my being. That was crazy; We were united and their insides ignited all my desires. She was shaking on my spear of fire and not being able to resist it anymore, Marisol tensed her body and hugged me with force, and she went wild. I felt the greatest pleasure in the world and all my sperm spilled uncontrollably, filling his insides with the burning flame of an "eternal love on the death line". Marisol vanished into the void of unconsciousness and with her body dragged a vase of flowers, which were watered by the sound of broken glass at our feet. We remained embraced, panting in silence. That peace of desire took us to a nearby heaven, in the enjoyment of a violent and desperate love. My brain was blank and before my eyes a slab of marble, implacable, launched a cold message that said:

JOSÉ MARÍA TORO C.
1897 - 1953
"May peace reign in your grave,
Dear Father "

That sign caused me to be separated from the immense celestial joy. I closed my fly and, while buttoning the shirt carefully checked that my queen's dress was not dirty. I composed her golden hair a little, held her by the hand and we walked away in silence, looking for the exit of that gloomy place. When we left the holy field, Don Ricardo was back in our search.
- Mari! Are you going to leave for the farm or will you stay in the town for a while? - the good man asked, showing the delicacy with which he always treated her. She understood that it was better to accompany her bereaved parents, and, looking at me with desperation, she told me:
- I hope you come back to the farm very soon. You were not to blame for anything that happened, and, if you lost playing, no one should bear the responsibility, because that is random. Alejandro, please do not leave me alone in these hard times. I'm not going to eat until you're living there. So you decide if you die for that nonsense and you kill me too. I have to go because, as you know, later, transportation is very difficult. Thanks for everything, and see you later.
- See you later - I answered with melancholy. The old man had taken a few steps forward, waited for his daughter and they left without saying anything. You could tell that this man was resentful of me, as if I were to blame for this horrible tragedy.
I started walking down the wide avenue and went in search of the park. My emotions were changed; I was immensely happy and painfully sad. I cursed myself for the irresistible attraction that my sweet illusion exerted, and I rejoiced to feel the cleanest and pure thing that life can offer us. Anyway, that meeting had been wonderful.

That same day I walked long hours through the forests of that beautiful town. I went from one place to another and always thought of "Guadalajara", the farm that does not let me live in peace, because there was the reason for my existence. << I am no longer the owner of myself; despair invades my heart and my brain. I wonder a thousand things and I am not able to get rid of my guilt or my misery. >> I thought distressed. << I want you to come to the farm because I do not eat again until you are living there! >> << What is this? ... She sacrifices herself, totally, for a love that I have not been able to cultivate, trapped in the poverty and poverty of my mind, my heart, my spirit and my pockets. >>
<< It is already decided, I am going to that farm and in the blink of an eye I will be next to it, to recover the peace of my whole being. Yes ... I cannot be a worm that resigns itself to the blows of an inclement destiny. I have no hope of seeing my dreams come true, but I do not have the strength to renounce the charms of a burning and devastating love. I am a poor wretch who falls apart and is consumed, devoured by the flames of an unmanageable passion. It is very strange what is happening to me I have lost the strength to fight and to renounce my love, I have lost the strength to continue living and to die. I am like an entity that only manages to look at the flashes of a blonde, enchanted, who broke my heart. He left? ... No, it inflamed my heart, filling it with something as beautiful as light and magic. >>

<< Everything appears before my eyes with too much clarity, but I am like a child who cannot do anything before the pressure of the multimillionaire who is about to become a mush of a lover. >>
If I were able to reassure myself and offer, as the only guarantee of love, my heart and the strength of my hands, I could live a more relaxed and calm life, but everything is the fault of my accelerated way of being, that is not resigned to the insignificance of men without pride. I'm so dumb! What a fool and what a fool! >>
In the end, for my total misfortune, I went to Don Ricardo's farm.
The old man treated me with affection and everyone knew that I was the true love of the girl Marisol, until the bad day came when I had to leave chased by the circumstances.
It happened what had to happen.

- CHAPTER NUMBER SEVEN -


I remembered my dead parents, I remembered my loneliness and I started to abuse the liquor. The parties followed one after the other. I lost the notion of time and things. The discomfort of my clubbed body was the only thing that marked the deep deterioration of my body and my soul. My will was bending with the passage of the burning and bitter liquor of a voluntary destruction. My friends enjoyed the hypocritical and false talk I invented for them. Mocking jokes excited the self-love of those empty lives, in which I tried to highlight the few good things that emerged from a generalized mediocrity. The music became a parody of what our hearts felt inside. << Mute step daughter of bitch that already very soon goes nightfall >> It was the song, accelerated, of a race in which we inherited the romanticism of the lonely mountains and the sorrows of the men who have wanted to hide in the abyss. The emaciated faces of the inhabitants of these canteens reflected the exhaustion and despair of those of us who died an untimely death. I never asked them anything, nor did I tell them about my pity wave either. I joined a masquerade of dirty falsehood and accumulated misery. We talked about everything, without uncovering the putrefaction that our withered hearts accumulated. We only show two common characteristics: Contempt for life and the imperative need to be talking to someone. I no longer have hope, I am empty inside. The first days of his absence, I kept the illusion that in a very short time he would come to my house to say to me: << I love you, my dear friend >> I love you, Alejo! The last time she told me, I almost died of joy and pain at the same time. He did it on a night that I always remember with pain.

We were at the family reunion where he engaged with Michael; all chatting in the room and sharing the poison of a generalized hypocrisy, in which the princess was delivered to save the firstborn. Yes, we all knew that Don Ricardo was selling his daughter to the highest bidder; although with a very intense pain. The day when the boyfriend of the groom offered the money to pay for the rescue of the son who was still far away, that day, only that day, Don Ricardo treated Michael with a good temper, and, as he was so kind, the businessman took the opportunity to arrive to an arrangement. If the young man paid the debts and the ransom, from that night Marisol would be sacredly committed to him, even if she did not want it. That night they made official what I always feared.
- Marisol and Michael have agreed to get married in January - the old man announced -. From today, this young man begins to be part of the family and I hope that they treat him with respect. I want you to follow the orders he gives you whenever you want; and know that when he orders something, it's as if I was doing it myself.
All those things destroyed me and I was as petrified. I looked at her, with pain, and her eyes fixed on the infinite were covered with tears.

- Liquor for everyone - was the first order of the monsters. The peons got drunk and the celebration became widespread. Nobody noticed the pain that invaded me inside. I took refuge in my anguish and I cried a lot, in silence. Everything was a falsehood that took advantage of the harvesters who swallowed the liquor and were violent. There was a terrible problem with accurate machetes, everyone ran to see and that did not bother me. She appeared to me as a fall from heaven, grabbed me by the back and kissed me with desire. In that seated chair, I felt with great rapture, her perfumed hair covering my entire face. He hugged me without saying anything, kissed me and looked at me in silence. I stood up, took her to a room and in the middle of the night, I danced with her one last time. Everyone came back and I was very happy. That goddess was mine, from earth to heaven.
Michael had won before society and I would die without remedy. Although he was the best husband in the world, the most loving and kind of men; although I deserved all the respect, I cannot resist seeing him as the thief who stole from my beloved, as the owner of my beloved. Owner?  Yes, that man treated her like a property; he thought he had bought a filly, or a calf. Surely, he thought that Marisol was one of his most valuable investments, and it was true. Unfortunately I was there, when the old man handed it to him and that scene destroyed my heart. I thank God for the coldness with which he treated her, because I would not have resisted being kissed in front of me. I swore that if he kissed her in my presence, I would kill him. He treated me with the indifference that is treated to any of the pawns, apparently no one had told him of the intense love that existed between Marisol and me.

The next day I could not put a piece of news out of my mind: << The woman of my dreams had spent the night with her future husband >> The women of the service, who held me in high esteem, had told me with remarkable fury, that the girl woke up in the arms of his chubby fiancé. I burst inside. Fury changed my temper and the silence of resentment darkened my face. Among the women in the service there was a chubby girl who had special appreciation for me and when I arrived very early, to look for breakfast, she sat down next to me with a cup of hot soup in her hands and began to say:
- Alejandro, is that men always fall in love with what they should not. The woman you want, after all the idiots went to sleep, including you, went to the estate of his lucky fiancé and spent the whole night with his new lover. That shameless if you love her, and the woman who really loves you, does not even determine her.
I remained silent, confirming my suspicions. A cue of fury began to block my breathing. I looked at my sudden ally and said faking a peace I did not feel inside:
- Calm, fat cute, that she was with her friends in a decent rumba.

- Yes! How not! Are you an idiot or what? He does not see that the friend of the obese tried to overtake me in the kitchen. It is that they also invited me to that farm. The little girl Marisol wanted me to accompany her on that program. They believe me so foolish, that they told me to leave quietly that it was going to touch us to sleep in a single room. Are they stupid or what? ... If you imagine, Alejandro, that three drunken men go to sleep on a farm, with two women, and that they will not even touch a hand. Imagine that the girl Marisol, when she arrived this morning, was so pale that it looked like a paper. Yes, he can guess what those three men did to him in a whole night. It's just that Don Ricardo is also an old procuress. I am very poor, but my body is for the man I love. How dare you put a price on the girl with those red cheeks, potbellied, that even homosexual will be - the fat girl finished to add to my pain? We were talking about that beautiful subject when the defendant arrived. I was prettier than ever. The pallor was nowhere to be seen, but there was something in her face that filled her with sadness. He took his breakfast and sat down at a secluded table. His face was beautiful, but very serious. I do not know what thoughts invaded her inside, and I, without being able to resist it, stopped and went to where she was.
- Hi, beautiful, why that sad face? - I asked in a choked voice.

- I'm not sad, what happened is that last night I went to Michael's farm, I had a terrible night and I'm very tired - he was able to say, acknowledging his guilt. Fury blinded me and without measuring the consequences I said:
- Clear! How can you not be tired, if that man squeezed you all night, because the fat man weighs a little, or not? - I finished saying full of fury. She was shocked and, in a sad voice, called me when I left the house. I could not hear his plea; much less the explanation of what was very clear to me. << I thank you, God almighty, that you still have me alive, because I thought that the day my beloved went to bed with that man, death would arrive immediately, but no. Everything is consummate among them, and I continue alive and calm. Well, I have been the victim of another of my fantastic dreams. How did I intend to marry this beautiful creature, which is made for the greatest ideals? ... I forgive them, why hold a grudge against them? Yes, I forgive them, because I know that in the heart of Marisol I occupy the first place without deserving it. She will never be able to forget me because I was the first man in her life and, if she ever regrets, I will be waiting for her because I will never be able to tear from my breast the immense love that I sowed and still feel for her ... << To know that you have been in the arms of another man is a torment too great for me! Goodbye, Marisol, beautiful, beautiful! Goodbye, my love, I can never forget you! >> I thought just before I left that farm.

When I was leaving, one of the service girls brought me three apples in a plastic bag and told me that Marisol had sent them to me. I took them without thinking and I left forever.
Now I am in the town.
Since those days my aunt treats me with the coldness of the woman who has never had children, it seems that she does not realize that my heart is broken. I have taken refuge in music and liquor; I have lost even the notion of time and things. I do not care if today is Monday, Saturday or Sunday. I do not care if I'm clean or dirty. The way I dress is irreverent and uncomplicated. Alcohol relives my sorrows and, unfortunately, every day I love that beautiful woman more. From the farm they announced to me that Marisol was married and that her brother, the kidnapped, was at the party. << I bless you, my beloved, because, deep in my heart, I know that you have given yourself to that man to save the life of your beloved brother! ... That is the purest and sublime act that has generated your soul, even if our lives have been lost in it! Forgive my jealous and selfish attitude, but my life was over when you swore before an altar, that you would be his forever! I know your Christian principles and I know that the most sacred thing before your eyes, is the divine will of the Lord! >>
Someone, who has known me for some time, told me without compassion that I had become a worm, and I, with great shamelessness, accepted that torture as part of the bitter path of my self-destruction. I never imagined that the woman who made me love life with all my heart, now made me despise her with all my soul.

I walked down a long and dusty path, to search in the stillness and beauty of the countryside, a peace that became elusive since I lost Marisol. His words always sounded true and naive to me, that am why I do not feel resentment with the sweet woman who gave me his disinterested friendship. Yes, because all he did was give me love and understanding, without calculating anything in his favor. Our romance was a total and unconditional delivery. Pity that the destiny has sacrificed its life to protect the life of a sacred brother.
<< Don Ricardo would not feel a bit of remorse when sacrificing his only daughter? ... The bad thing is that this boy was the only man he had left; only way, only alternative. That damn word is the only one, which is to blame. How can you sacrifice the life of a princess who is barely sixteen? How will she endure the extravagances of a pig that bends her in age and that she detests? When are you going to escape my beloved angel? Could it be that you come back someday, to beg for the love that I am killing inside of me? I cannot think of those idiocies, because I'll end up going through my heart with a dagger. Yes, I am going to turn this frustrated love into the strength that I need to abandon the illusion of your return, and, thus, be able to die in the midst of the freedom of broken veins. I would like to hide the hopeful idea that subjects me to the sincerity of your eyes and your kisses, because it is impossible to erase at a stroke the love that was born between us from the day we saw each other. The memory of those enchanted nights when your smile and your soft voice filled the darkness of the farm with a celestial glow. >> << Because yes, my beautiful Marisol, you were the queen of that place and everyone pinned their hopes on you. From the most humble and insignificant cook, to the serious and measured administrator, they knew that your word was sacred. Easy, my goddess, that you have not disappointed anyone! Everyone knows what you gave your life swearing allegiance to God, for the life of your eldest brother! I was to blame for your sacrifice when, on that unfortunate game night, I lost the best of my life in the face of another lucky male! ... >> << This is life, my love, the selectivity of the species it screams every day: "The world is one of the strongest and I am just a worm" Worm! That's the word I like the most, because it minimizes me and tortures me to the bone marrow. >>

It is terrible to be in love because the heart and the body need the warmth of that enchanted companion, but distance and impossibility cut off all hopes of a sacred union. I would like to run to her side to contemplate her bright eyes and to absorb her tenderness with a deep look, but the rules and social parameters remind us that she has an owner even if she does not want it. I wanted to do everything well, however, the moment I arrived was not the most appropriate. Now I am locked in a prison of impossibilities, in which I will have to accustom myself to the pain of love, or to the coldness and the senselessness of death. For me, death is not beautiful, knowing that in another part of the world, the big eyes of my Marisol are filled with tears thinking about me, the man who made her a woman. It is sad to think that cruel fate separated us without giving us the slightest chance. Unfortunately, in this life, even though we are in a stable and advantageous position, at any moment the floor sinks under the sea of ​​doubts, throwing us into the humid abyss of absolute solitude. I refuse to recognize the qualities that may have the fat husband, who profanes the beautiful body, the only woman I have wanted to have. I always thought that my exemplary behavior, made me worthy of the fine manners and the enchanted softness of my golden princess, but that was not the case. Because of an adverse luck all my plans changed and now I have only one ruined life that I can no longer bear.

I wanted to kill love in the following ways: I drowned it with liquor, I crushed it into oblivion, I buried it in the distance and I ignored it without achieving it. Everything was useless because in each attempt, love rose pure and immaculate, bringing to my mind the delicious image that made it sprout in my heart. Love has a body and it looks like an enchanted hare that jumps everywhere, infecting with its brightness and transparency, the things that touch my eyes. I am immersed in the well of bitterness and, nevertheless, everything is full of the happiness and the color that Marisol transmits to me from afar, because, the greater the distances, the more immense are the memories of the moments in which we could be together. It does not matter that she is in the arms of another man, because I still love her with all the intensity and all the desire, even if I want to burst my heart out of rage and jealousy. After the death of my parents, I wanted to be the insensitive male that nothing affected him and that everything controlled, but I lost time with that falsehood; the tears have become easy and roll down my cheeks bringing the bitter taste to my mouth, which never tires of uttering the name of the queen that made my soul fly. << Marisol! Marisol! I love you to the death and I hope that we are in heaven, because this torment can no longer be resisted! My love, I know that I will never see you again, but I am sure that even death will not be able to erase our love! >> << No, Don Ricardo! No, Michael! They cannot have made such a big monstrosity! ... They cannot save the life of a human being, condemning the illusions of a dove like Marisol, who was the only transparent and kind person left on this earth. Michael is such a good man and such a businessman; he could not offer his dirty money until he forced the girl Marisol to marry him. << Why did not you offer the coins without that terrible condition? Because you know that Marisol detests your barley shape with hamburgers and French fries. Or not?  >> << I, my angel, analyze everything and I realize because you were not able to give me an explanation. I know you have cried a lot before the sacred image of Mary Help of Christians. It is terrible, terrible and painful to have to sell everything, even the soul, to save the life of a brother. You, who in life had enough and more, you cannot have gone to that crossroads. >> << People made the decision to marry the tycoon of boredom, because, he, gave away the money that could save the life of your brother! How could you deny that business, my angel? Everything was against us ... >>

TRADUCIR MÁS

I'd like to know a few things before I die. Would I like to know how much she wanted that marriage? Was the love that she gave me since I arrived at the farm honest and sincere? No ... I cannot doubt something that is clear and transparent. Love cannot be faked; Love is felt in two crazy hearts that want to belong at all costs. Marisol trembled in my arms and her whole body was delivered madly. His clean eyes did not know how to pretend passion, or anger, or shame; because they themselves have revealed to me the great sorrow that it carried in the soul when having to marry that subject.
I, for one, cannot stop hating that man. His weakness of character, his jester talk and his ridiculous arrogance make him a despicable being. How can such a pig realize the exquisiteness and the immaculate smoothness of a sublime and well-formed heart like Marisol's? ... Its bad humored, irritable, confiding, noisy and stupid, or rather, that subject has all the defects that ordinary men have.
Be that as it may, all the pleasures and all the happiness that I enjoyed next to the beautiful woman of my dreams are over for me. Everything that happened was inevitable. How could I hope for a woman what, really, was unattainable for me? He has never seen well, a pawn dripping saliva behind a queen. My heart could not, romantic and dreamer, ignore the quality of a pure and sublime soul that escaped in his cheerful smile, which shone in those eyes as big and clear as the stars of the sky, which spread of love through a velvety skin and flirtatious, that made my imagination fly over vaporous clouds of illusion, magic and happiness. << Miserable coward! Do you stay still when the monster arrives and your princess steals you? >> I squeeze my hands and the warm blood rises to my head. I mock ten thousand times of myself, and I throw myself into the category of mannequin, of rag doll who is not able to claim for his love, who is not able to claim for his kisses, who is not able to claim for his lifetime.

I took refuge in the falsehood of the canteens. Every day I visited the dens where the desperate prostitutes attend. Desperate?  Yes, because behind all their indifference, in those angels lies an uncertain and hopeless future. I became friends with those whores, but my eyes could not avoid the comparison that, in every second, I made between them and my Marisol. All these women were rare: one, despite being tall and slender, stuttered when talking. The one who loved me the most, since I began to take refuge in that office of perdition, was fat and violent; all the time he lived giving out punches and his rough manners made him think of a boxer or a wrestler. There was a young girl of about fifteen years of age who was sorry to watch her, with her lost look she allowed to show a marked and unconcealed idiocy; that young woman had a severe mental retardation. Every day I spoke with a different one. I never told them the grief that afflicted me, I only listened to the waves that they had in their lives; What mattered most to them was the few coins that were earned in that ridiculous job.
In the light of the liquor glasses, the image of my beloved became more real and unattainable. Definitely, having class is very important. Those haunted girls were beaten. How soft and tender my Marisol was; his sweetness and refined manners were the product of a lifetime of care and attention.

- CHAPTER NUMBER EIGHT -

I wanted to dull my brain, I wanted to drown my soul, I wanted to flood my heart, but the more I drank, the more my love grew. I took the body to fatigue to destroy my passion, but the body withered and the love grew. << I do not know what this great feeling is made of, that fills me and invades me, forcing me to cry with all my heart. I have taken a thousand glasses of liquor that have turned into tepid and bitter tears of love ... >> << I forgot to live because of your indifference that punishes me in the soul, destroying me without remedy! Anyway, I'm lost, because if you loved me, you'd fight for me even if it was a little bit, to defend our love! I do not want to imagine that you, my pretty dove, are in the arms of that wretch who bought you with money! ... If he had conquered you it would not be painful to give in to another man who was better than me! ... All people say that love is a matter of chemistry and a matter of skin, and it is a delicious truth, because I can be stripped of my skin and each of my cells will continue to suffer for you! ... The day when I die and it is well buried, in the middle of the eternal cold, I will continue thinking about your love! >>
Every day I went to the canteen in search of death to relieve my pain. I got drunk day and night, cursed God and even the devil. I was indifferent to those poor women in the canteen who, in the end, ended up hating me for my anguish. I do not know why they were bothered by my madness, that I was all agitated because of my golden illusion. << Marisol, I love you, my love! Just tell me two words that I will fight against the world for your love! >>

My aching body sank into the anguishing abyss of defeat and impotence; everything hurt me, but what most bothered me was the bitter picture of seeing my dreams lying on the floor, like old and useless rags. Where is my violent and exasperated pride? Where are the crystal castles, surrounded by tulips, chrysanthemums, roses and dahlias, which my fertile imagination created for her? What can I scratch the world, if the absence of my love has left it more parched than the husks of old pine trees? I'm cornered and I do not know if it's my fault, or if it's because I've discovered the hidden side of the world built on the lack of reason, hunger and despair. Marisol left and took behind her all the brilliance and essence of what could be called a paradise, which is now a desert of the things that have killed my heart. In the blink of an eye, everything was filled with the color and smell of blood. My senses and my soul burst, becoming a rotten and bloody mass that means nothing, neither to my aunt, nor to me, nor to the rest of the world. Everything was consummate and the force that pushed me to smile and fight with courage, had gone, sacrificing herself in an act of sublime love, to save the life of a piece of her flesh that, according to that, is more than herself. << Marisol, why so much humility before the immense gulf of pain? Why so much resignation before the bitter tears of total sacrifice? ... Marisol, why are you such a woman? Is not your clean, transparent soul capable of feeling a little bit of selfishness and pettiness? >> My God! Bless all the mean behaviors that, if germinated in the soul of my sacred angel, would allow me to hold her in the arms of sin and the delicious enjoyment of betrayal! My anguished soul has ceased to belong to this world, and, now, only wants to navigate in the poison of self-destruction. What good is sunrise on a new morning? What good is the money for which the idiots are enslaved? What is the value of a life in the eternity of God, when a pure and fragile love like a rose has been trampled by the dirty boot of sacrifice and human resignation? << Because only one thing has been made clear to me and it is that the sadness and the helplessness that today overwhelms us, is due to our own fault. Marisol, you have yielded to the direct pressure of a desperate and noble father, who changed the life of one of his children, by the hidden pain of your martyrdom, that everyone understands and that nobody dissolves. I am guilty for not having the courage to murder a poor man who fell in love with the most exotic and perfumed flower that has been born in the last two hundred thousand years. He saw you and fell enchanted under the magical influence of your overwhelming perfection. Today, that nothing matters to me, I have to admit that Michael is very intelligent; He has invested the dirty money that humans treasure, in the most special creature that the God of heaven could invent. The golden color of his healthy and soft meats, the bewitching shine of eyes infected with sea, sky and virgin forest, the violent red of a sensual mouth, the exquisite precision of a proud nose and the vibrant mantle that shelters with its golden shines the magnificence of innocent attractions that have not been by chance, because they are the reflection of a more perfect and more beautiful being than all life itself; they are the treasures that attract the men who love you and the women who envy you. >> << Why I, a worker who never hurt anyone, I met you to taste all the nectar of your exquisite sweetness and then have to suffer this painful humiliation? ... Now I do not want to continue living the absence of that divine light that only you can project. Do you know what it means to be humble and good? ... It is the principle of holiness for sad gods, who want to die like me. Yes, I want to go to the shelter of the burning pain, which will be a refreshing balm for the unequaled torture of a lacerating love. First it was the sun God, then the images of clay, then Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Buddha, art and drugs; men get rid of devils and gods every day, because they are made of fear and fantasy ... I would like someone to inform me what this damn love is that burns me and burns me inside. >>
My despair was getting bigger. If I had found Michael, I would have been able to crush him with my machete. << Of course, it's all my fault! - I thought, punishing my disability - Everything happens to me because I did not earn a little money. I've been dreaming of yellow flowers and, at the end of the story, my beloved is too cute and too thin for me. Yes, it was a miracle that my simple hands could caress that immaculate face. I still keep the memory of his abundant eyebrows and his green-blue eyes and bright as two stars in the middle of your golden skin. My fingers never tired of drawing his upturned nose, which gave him the noble touch of girls who have never had to lower their heads. Her parted lips knew how to keep the silence of intelligent women, although with me they had the problem of never being able to say no; that grew the love that is coming out of me, like a monster that I am not able to control. << Yes, it was very strange that from the first day you said to everything that yes; either you kept silent or you said yes. I do not understand what was happening; or everything I said you liked, or your mom and dad did not teach you to say no, no, no. If you had stopped me two or three times, we would have avoided so much suffering, my beloved. >>

What do you think, Marisol? How dare you marry the man you do not love? After they released Nicolas Alberto, his brother, what does he do next to that idiot? If the sacred goal has already been fulfilled, what are you waiting for to return to your home? ... She is not capable of deceiving anyone and how, to her, she has been deceived. << Marisol, come back please! Marisol, I'm dying for you! That man is charging the money he invested in you. Michael gives himself the skills of a businessman so he does not lose a peso. What are you waiting to escape, because a minute by your side is worth all the gold in the world? Why do you insist on playing fair and continue with that farce of marriage? Do not you see what is dirtier to decorate with colorful feathers the perversity of your sacrifice? ... >>
Marisol, who is still a child, can behave like that. But what is Don Ricardo's old man expecting to get his daughter back? ... << Sir, I knew you since I was a child, I was impressed by your character and seriousness. What has happened to your value? Why is he wrinkled like a raisin in the face of his daughter's misfortune? Or is it that he has not realized that the girl's eyes are sad? I know that the children have been the love of your life, I also know that you would never have admitted an offense against them but, now, I cannot explain what is happening to you. Does not the suffering of the beautiful hurt in the hands of the calculating beast? What is happening to the men who have the right to claim? I do not understand why they are so indifferent? If I could defend you, if you uttered a single word of help, if you sent me a note imploring your salvation, I, with my own hands, would strangle the subject who bought the conscience of those around you I am capable of killing him twenty times. With all the courage of the world he would open his chest in search of the dirty passion that has brought us so much unhappiness. But no, I cannot do anything without knowing if Marisol still loves me. >> << Marisol, beautiful, what happened? Why do you let this grief drag me to the grave? Beloved mine, what's wrong with you? >>
Time passed and the pain continued. In the canteens I submerged myself completely in liquor. The pains died and I started to die too. The weather was inclement and my deterioration remarkable; the alcohol and the late night ended, slowly, with a life I did not want. After each intoxication, I vomited the bitter bile of my grief, until my body did not resist and started to bleed. That gave me great joy, because it was the only way to get rid of this terrible love that was filling me inside. I never imagined that love had a life of its own; I felt it like a strange body that, with its pasty transparency, absorbed every one of my cells. It had become an irreverent and painful body, struggling for space in a world in which we would not fit together. I was confused and the only solution was death. The friends had abandoned me. One by one, they had been disappearing. I broke all the rules of society. Although I did believe in the immortality of the soul, I had allowed the worm of abandonment to grow within my being. My body has filled with fever and, in the nightmares of anguish; I feel that my flesh explodes into a thousand pieces under the terrible explosion of my liver. The cold sweat of a near death accompanies my ridiculous pilgrimage in the world of others. I only lived once, until the fate and weakness of a father's character, sold for a high economic price, the only reason for my existence. >> << Marisol! ... Why do not you miss your ideal of holiness, your idea of ​​morality? ... Why do you have to be a victim offered to the future of your family? >> ... We no longer need crucifixions. Christ was crucified so that men would be more sensible. Nobody needs a heroin. Nobody is asking you to be a saint. That fool son of a bitch already gave the money, your brother is free and I'm waiting for you with a heart full of love. I have no remorse, because we have not committed any sin, we have only loved each other with all our soul. Where is your intelligence? ... Why so many disturbances in your interior, if our love is clear and clean as water? ... Marisol, you do not seem Antioquena, because the true children of Antioquia the great, we are happy to love, to breathe, to fight, to live and to fight for what is ours. In this land of wonderful men, we are proud of our body and its natural biological functions. For the true Antioquenos, sin does not exist; conscience does not punish us for nothing, because we are a superior people, an advanced people. The good and the bad do not exist; there is only the evolution of consciousness in an eternal learning. Marisol beautiful! ... Do not pay attention to that priest who is your confessor, because he belongs to that Christianity that atrophies the instincts and that cultivates a false fidelity against love. The most important feeling, for those poor men, is repentance and, it is at that moment, when sin, pain and hell appear; it is at that moment when the war between the flesh and the spirit appears. Not knowing that the flesh and the spirit are your consciousness of eternity and that everything could be a heaven, a paradise of eternity and complete satisfaction. Good and evil are phenomena invented by man, that is, reactions of happiness or sadness before the different events of life. Marisol, when we say what acts are good, bad, etc., we affirm that these actions meet the conditions to enlighten or sadden our life. Then why do not you choose happiness by my side? ... >>

Every day he returned to me, the perfume of that beautiful illusion.
<< You were the most pretended of that flowered land that, in its dusty roads, saw our attraction born. I walk all over the town in pagan adventures, moving among the branches, with the terrible pain of knowing you in other arms. Today I wait for the look, full of a very clear light, to tell me in your eyes, sweet words of love. We are the survivors of a past life that being so remembered widens our hearts. We went in other directions, enchanted by the magic of a false understanding, and your principles are so healthy and so great my nobility, that, resigning life, we still fulfill the mission. The only thing I ask in this evil life is that for a few minutes, think and reflect, on our sad love. I do not pretend to offend that man craving for the good, with which you are committed, living the agony of dissatisfaction. Although the time has passed and it is no longer the same, in the depths of my soul it is agitated and agitated, the strength of our love. I can never forgive myself for being so foolish to let you escape. Marisol, I love you with madness, and, even if you are foreign, your sacred and clean image continues to give me reasons to fight with courage! I know that in the depths of the soul, you suffer for my pain. It has seemed impossible to me that the monotony that surrounds us with viciousness can erase with its tricks, what is our passion. I will follow the path, dragging the laziness of what could be and was not. I just want you to understand, that your love still burns me, and what I silently hope, the opportunity to show you the great man that I am. Definitely, I cannot stop thinking about you. Ten or twenty years may pass and your sacred memory will not be able to come off. Everything that happened was my fault. Life gave us a turn, wrapping us in bitterness and in tears of courage. I'm not sorry to confess that I cry thinking about you, and that I curse the fate that defeated our love. >>

On a clear afternoon, of a bitter summer, I met "the guitarist", the only one of the pawns who was half my friend on the farm. At his side I spent some nights of bohemian and romanticism. With his sweet and strong voice, he turned the fragility and delicacy of his body into a hurricane of vibrant dreams and hopes. A wafer of paper, a mountain of an intense green and the flight of an immaculate seagull were the source of all his inspiration and all his happiness. He never dreamed neither money nor material wealth; for him the triumph was the same as anonymity, according to what he told me on that afternoon of revelations. The only thing that seemed to interest him was the music, the liquor and the future of my beloved
- Hi, dear guitarist, how have you been? - I saluted when I found him sitting in the front yard of one of the houses in front of "El Refugio", the canteen where we hobbled the most tramps.
- All right! I'm always good! - He answered with the aggressiveness that always characterized him. His small figure and his dark face, crossed by an immense scar that seemed strange to that being, reflected the talent and sensitivity for art.
- What are you doing, on a Tuesday, around here? ... They kicked you out of the farm, or what? - I asked without guessing the disconcerting answer he would throw at me.
- That farm, since the girl Marisol left, became very boring.
- How! - I exclaimed without being able to hide my astonishment - Is it that you liked the boss's daughter?

- To me and to you, because all the people know that you were the great love of their life. After you started giving her flowers, I overcame the shyness that kept me from speaking to her in the last five years, and I started taking flowers to her name when you were away.
- As well? - I investigated, agitated by the tranquility of that whopper who was confessing the usurpation - Did you bring him flowers telling him that they were mine?
- No, I did not say precisely that they were on your side; I simply told him that a friend sent him there ... Forgive me, but it was the only way to be next to that monumental woman and not to think that I am the usurper, because when you arrived I had been worshiping her for several years ... Yes. I'm not ashamed to confess it, although I have no words to explain what I felt and what I feel in my heart.
I was silent and "the guitarist" told me a story that moved me to tears. All these things afflicted me and tormented me. Who is to blame for all the men who see her, end up in love with her? All these are the paths of a fateful and painful destiny.
He began to tell the story how to annoy me, then to check my attitude of understanding, was more frank and deplored his behavior. He told me, in confession, how his love was growing day by day, for that girl who was then beginning to be a woman. I had no peace or quiet. At all times, everywhere, I was thinking about her. He did not eat, he did not drink, he did not leave the farm and he was not able to speak to the woman of his dreams. We talked for a long time and my heart ached, I cried for that poor man who lived a hell worse than mine.

- Everything I have told you are not fictions of a sick imagination; they are the harsh reality of the misery we share. Everything happens to a class of less civilized and less educated men. We have lost it forever, and I do not intend to survive this terrible reality!
That was the last thing my friend confessed to me in disgrace. After the radiant sun passes, there are only the shadows of the shy and humble as "the guitarist" and me. I felt strange to hear the story of a lover who wanted my girlfriend. I could not resist anymore and changing the subject I said:
- It is a pity that all the qualities that God has given you are wasted looking at the sky and dreaming with nonsense. When are you going to do something that deserves the recognition of the people that allows you to enjoy the honeys of triumph in your singing career?
- What does triumph mean to you? Do you want me to do something that is commercial?
- Clear! Something that allows you to get money, a car, a farm - I said, observing the gnawed suit and shoes with the open toe that let him see the fingers.
- I have enough money to live. The cars I do not like and the farm and I left, tired of the solitude of the field, because "Guadalajara" was mine for several years - argued, as annoyed by the insinuation that he had just made. I noticed that my right hand was very still and it seemed abnormal.

- What happened to your hand? - He turned her over and showed me two or three wounds on her fingers, with several stitches.
- Last night they robbed me and stole my money and my guitar - explained something elusive because of my curiosity. I guessed that he had injured himself when a glass exploded in the midst of despair and his anguish. The liquor had become the refuge that helped him escape the immensity of his dreamy romanticism.
- Thank God that nothing happened to you, because those wounds seem superficial. It would be very sad if a guitarist, like you, lost one of the fingers of the right hand that is the most important.
- Quiet! I have a good hand. I do not move my fingers because it hurts a lot, but I think the tendons are healthy.
The ghost of the adventure that the guitarist had related was still among us. That was like sharing the same love. No, share no; He saw her, liked her and spoke on my behalf, although I am convinced of the insignificance of that poor creature before that great woman. No, I do not think she loved him even a little, suddenly; she was interested in her loose talk to lighten the loneliness. Many times it has happened that two friends fall in love with the same woman, although what she has revealed to me today is not worrisome, because I am convinced that she is mine and nobody else's.

- CHAPTER NUMBER NINE -


It was during those days that the spiritual retreat was held, or rather, the prayer group that Don Pablo programmed, the old administrator who did not forget me, so that I would confess to a priest and return on the path of Catholicism. The reason that originated it was in fact very sublime; my dear friend intended to fill the void left by that painful love, with the songs and easy promises of the priest’s followers of Jesus Christ. It was Don Pablo Jaramillo who thought of that great and saving idea, which would clear all the shadows and diabolical doubts that, according to him, stirred within my impious soul. I, who have been a docile man, accepted without opposing any resistance to the clean and sincere desire that my old friend had to serve in my anguishing dilemma. In that town, all the people thought that I was an atheist, because I was never prostrated before the images sculpted by Mr. Javier Martinez, the neighborhood carpenter. My spirituality has been, in reality, very great, and from that I wanted to convince and convince my friends. The parish priest set the date and arranged everything necessary. Three blessed candles, one chaplet per person and a donation from the petitioners, Don Pablo and me, for the blessed souls in purgatory. << Who has thought that I can do an exorcism to that devilish young man? >> was the only thing the priest asked.

The street and the surroundings of the small church, were completely deserted, from time to time, a woman came out of the church and passed distracted, without paying any attention to us, the new visitors.
Nobody was waiting for us and it was strange, because Don Pablo paid the tithes that gave him the pass to enter heaven. I was looking at the spaciousness and elegance of that huge house, where the father lived with three or four sisters of charity, owners of a beautiful white model last, with wide tires like all luxury cars.
- With whom are we going to request the absolution of my terrible sins? ... I believe that we are losing time miserably!
- The father, at this time, is dispatching in the sacristy - Don Pablo argued, as if feeling uncomfortable with my comment -, let us have a little patience and let the laziness of walking these eighty meters separate us from him.
We crossed the square and the pawn, my friend's servant, walked beside us like a frightened dog. I made it known that if I lent myself for that healing; it was not because I did totally believe in the priests.
- If we have been benefited with such an important prayer, I hope you take advantage of it and close your mouth, that's why it happens to you what, happens to you. I have brought my whole family to the prayers of this saint and the only thing that I assure you is that this bishop is famous throughout Latin America. He has the gift of healing, even if your sin makes you unbelieving.

- See, Don Pablo, if you are going to start the sermon ahead of time, let me know, because I have this very delicate brain and I go out doing it is a muddy one. For me, at this point in life, any grave is the same.
- Who is the saint? - asked the fool accompanying Don Pablo.
- Monsignor, Antonio Gomez Jaramillo, one of the founders of the healing Mass that attracts thousands and thousands of faithful each year, hoping to cure their afflictions.
The talk was interrupted by the housekeeper, a woman who had more body and a man's face than anything else. The only thing that betrayed her status as a female were two huge breasts that, despite being crushed by force, were unobtainable.
- Listen! Before entering the prayer they have to buy, each, a candle offering for San Cayetano, patron of the parish and miraculous saint in matters of money and good luck.
- Of course! - Don Pablo exclaimed, turning in his steps -. We have come to rid ourselves of our sins and I hope we will do it very seriously. Or what do you think, Alejandro?
- How not! Do you think what would have come if I was taking all this in jest? ... The only thing that bothers me is that everything has to be offerings and expenses of money. In this church the piggy banks are bigger than the saints themselves, wait and see.
- Quiet that I pay everything - said my old friend, and addressing the girl said:

- Sell me three medium candles and one pound of incense, to burn at the feet of the fallen lord.
- I am the one who lights the candles and burns the holy stick. Pay me the amount of the things, that I will take care of the rest - clarified the woman.
- Reach with ten thousand pesos? - My dear friend asked innocently, while handing over a ticket that he would never see again.
- Go soon to Monsignor's side, which has been waiting for you for a while.
- What a disgusting woman! - I commented when we were entering the sacristy - She has a lesbian face.
- How rude yours! Have you ever dealt with her or do you know her personally?
- You do not have to be a magician to realize that this degenerate has something strange. Of course I am not of your family, nor do I care about your tastes.
- Remember, Alejo, who promised to behave like a decent person. Think it over and realize that the only beneficiary of all this is yourself. What a rebellious man! - argued the old man, addressing the servile laborer - Everything that happens to him, is because he deserves it!
The humble man smiled and remained silent to reflect the neutrality that separated him from our discussions. I felt a bit offended.
- Ah! Yes, the only one who is possessed by the devil is me. It is a miracle that Satan has not lifted me up and has let me fall on a thorn bush, to help me to tear the scratches left by the sulphurous horn.

- Silence! - Don Pablo exclaimed, as he threw his kneeling blessing before the innumerable images of dehulled mud that rested in the impressive room.
- Each person worships the piece of clay or wood they want - I wrote down -; What's more, there are eleven thousand virgins and saints of all colors, for people to choose to their liking. As the saying goes: "For the sake of the baskets are sold" ... Monsignor, the miraculous, heals the disease that you want, scares the witches of your house, arranges the marriage, scares the devil that you carry inside but, yes, alms have to be good. Since I do not have a peso and I am ashamed to borrow, I am condemned forever. Who could lend money to a miserable man who has no family, no property, no guarantors, nothing? Definitely, Marisol is condemned to remain in the arms of that man -. I finished saying, explaining to the farmer that he was apparently aware of everything.
- The sisters of charity - Don Pablo explained - they start the prayer group with their songs, then the monsignor comes imposing the miraculous anointing that will end up changing your bad luck and your disordered way of behaving.
- Oh! The Holy Father has a bunch of nuns at his disposal! ... That's a miracle. To him, who does not like women, he gets twenty obedient and obedient sheep from heaven, and I, who only wanted one, God denies me to take the path of the hell, where the devil is going to submerge me in hot oil for all eternity.

- Because of those jokes, is that you have been so unpleasant things - Don Pablo condemned, wanting to appease my mood -; If you continue with that string of heresies, you can never see the face of the Lord.
- Is it that I want to see the face of the Lord? ... I just want to contemplate the face of my adored Marisol ... Look! Observe! ... Which of those angels is black? ... If the sky is racist, then the poor do not dig into it either.
Truly, and without the intention of disturbing my two companions, all the images were golden and with eyes as blue as those of my lovely lost angel. << Why would it be that our love could not have a happy ending? OMG! Why do you allow the poor mestizos to dream of the bright stars of a sky that the whites have created for themselves? >>
- You have to have faith first of all - Don Pablo explained sadly -; There are things that do not work well, but we have to be good blacks and keep quiet. Wait, I came to talk with Monsignor. Alejo, I beg you to behave at the height of a Catholic, Apostolic and Roman, because, otherwise, we will be kicked out of here like excommunicated dogs.
- Why do you worry so much? - I said mocking him - Do you think what you will receive in heaven? ... You, as it is black, poor and ugly, never come there.

We did not have time to do anything, the miraculous bishop entered accompanied by three beautiful sisters of charity. Don Pablo fell to his knees and the pawn and I did the same. << The angelic followers of Mary Help of Christians surrounded our heads with their delicate hands and I immediately thought of you, my beloved wandering dove. My eyes filled with bitter tears that could not change our condition. The little nun noticed that I was crying and fell on her knees beside me, thanking God for the conversion of that humble man who inconsolably cried his sinful condition. The Salesians got up and the blessing of the imposing priest covered each one of us, for which we thanked him. >>
- Sit, my children! He ordered, pointing to the oak chairs, upholstered in fluffy purple suede that surrounded the room.
He sat in a chair higher than usual and had the servants of Christ kneel at his feet, turning his back on us who were the guests.
The sacristy, very well decorated, had an impressive appearance; each of the objects present there fulfilled the mission of approaching the God of heaven. In the immense window of crystal, the figure of the pale and haggard gentleman was cut, after the brutal crucifixion. Before that Christ, hundreds and hundreds of candles and candles of all sizes burned, igniting the faith of the sick Christians who arrived there, hoping to cure the physical ailments that afflicted them. On all sides rose the saints with abundant beards who, like ghosts, looked at us with their glass eyes. Next to those monumental images rested other smaller ones, in which I could only recognize the baby Jesus of Atocha; the image that my mother adored until the last minute of her unfortunate death.

Don Pablo was impressed by the grandeur of that beautiful place; with his eyes he scanned the well-shaped vases that filled with the colors of birds of paradise, roses, lilies, chrysanthemums and tulips, to the last corner of the flavored place.
From the first moment I was impressed by the priest. Actually, something enclosed the imposing figure of that man who, with his only presence, filled the room with a security and a peace that brought joy to our hearts. Unfortunately, peace did not come right to me, because my soul was shattered by the uneasy love I was living. Monsignor was very tall, he was about seventy years old, but his exaggerated vigor made him look like a completely complete man. His broad brown face was crowned by two bright black eyes that reflected the transparency of sweetness and holiness. His hair was completely shaved and at the temples the silver shine of a well-worn maturity was observed. << With that figure and stuck in the corrupt ecclesiastical organization, this man is a shameless intelligent or an accommodated idiot >> I thought, without being able to renounce the ugly habit of judging under the laws of convenience, that they are the only ones that truly move

- This boy - Don Pablo began to say, pointing to me - is a charlatan who has not been able to mature in life. About three years ago he does not attend the sacred sacrament of the mass and I do not know how much he will take without confessing.
- The fact that he does not attend religious services does not mean he is an atheist completely - I affirmed, trying to defend the image that was ruining my friend.
- Attending or not attending mass is not a cause of concern among you young people and, suddenly, I have not known how to approach the topic well. Imagine, monsignor, "continued the old man, intoned," that this man does not respect any of the parameters stipulated by the good manners of society. Being ill dressed and drinking liquor with the prostitutes of the canteens is a constant practice for him. Hard work and honest, he left because the girlfriend was married to another. Yes, that's the excuse for not carving out a future.
- Excuse me, father - I interrupted to defend myself -, what happens is that I have made the terrible mistake of never defending my image and my honor before others. I was always indifferent to the comments of people who cared about me, without reason. In the last twelve years I worked from six in the morning to six in the afternoon and nobody noticed; Now that I rest for a few months, for a very big pain that burns me inside, there yes, people criticize and worry why a humble subject gets rid of the chains that have always tied us to the routine of nonsense. The tranquility has caused me many damages and, already very late, I realize why people defend their professions and what little they have, with a very strong force and a decision.

- Do not come to disguise your scandals and your drunkenness with smiles of naivety. We all know you're a vagabond and that's hopeless - argued the old man furiously.
Monsignor contemplated us without breaking down his elegant figure.
- It is because of your ignorance - I began to say how trying to explain my arguments - that you will always be working wrapped up in mediocrity and the routine of a meaningless life. It is to avoid discussions like this, which only lead to the discomfort of an unnecessary disgust, that I have tried to remain marginalized from you traditionalists, who do everything because they were imposed or because they saw it do sometime, not daring to try anything new. All the problems that I have right now, are not my fault, they are a form of behavior that I inherited from my ancestors who were even more resigned than me. Don Pablo says that I have the devil inside, but that is a falsehood because I have never done any harm to anyone. I believe in God and in his divine and universal strength. Every day I talk to him and, although most of the dialogue is questions because of the complexity of this life that I do not understand, I respect him as my everything, as my light and my essence. You forgive me - I said apologizing to the saint - but the story of a man who lived almost two thousand years ago, when there was no mail, no television, no telephones, must have arrived much distorted to this day. Imagine the messengers between two distant peoples, distorting the messages and resuscitating the one they wanted. How many of the miracles on which the faith of a well-to-do religion is based today will be true? If you would allow me, I would invent a voluntary conversion of the poor Indians who imposed the cross on them with blood and fire, but it is not possible for me, because that happened just five hundred years ago, and it has been easy to unmask the abuses and the infamies that were committed.

- Alejandro Saldarriaga, that's a sin! You know that all the things you have said are crazy! What do you intend with that string of false analyzes? Don Pablo asked his throat dry with fury.
Monsignor looked at us in silence. He looked at us with scrutinizing eyes without intervening in our discussion.
- It is true that everything I have said is speculation - I accepted after the scolding of Don Pablo - But what can be certain about the words of a dying man who says: "Father, my father, why have you abandoned me? a god was crying out, if the gods do not ask for clemency, we all know that the parents were, are and will be first, and then, in order to finish entanglement, according to the scriptures, the holy spirit lands in ridiculous flames of fire and the trickiest trickery that I have heard and that is the basis of our religion is formed, I am very sorry for you, reverence, for daring to discuss things that you do not even analyze, but I am so devastated that I do not believe in anything or anyone, do you know, Monsignor, what is to endure physical hunger, while our spiritual directors walk in beautiful cars? ... How will you know, if the one who endured hunger was my mother and the Who traveled with impeccable suits were you?
- Alejandro Saldarriaga, this is unbearable! Why do you claim your holiness, for the tests God has put on your family, on the thorny path of life? ... You have to understand one thing from today: "Poverty is a blessing in the straight and clean way of the salvation of the soul "- the old man argued to launch all my hypothesis by land.
- All that farce they ride, you - I said, addressing the surprised religious - is an act that degrades them in their announced homosexuality, and in a ridiculous repression of normal nature. Why are not they more human beings, and help the poor people without asking for anything in return? ... They do not shield their vices and their sins behind the hideous mask of a false sanctity.

Don Pablo got up full of fury, unable to resist the situation, because, in reality, something was happening in the sacristy that must have been monstrous for them, because, for sure, nobody in that place had dared to utter the words that I had said. All who came there felt dirty and sinful, remaining on their knees in thanksgiving, for the favor that God's messengers gave them. Everyone was waiting for the reverences and words of salvation of three subjugated idiots under the power of a traditional belief, and I arrived with these out-of-tune analyzes. In that place there had always been talk of love, charity, repentance and forgiveness. The nuns looked scared Monsignor. They were pale with the freshness and resentment with which I spoke. The peasant who accompanied Don Pablo, totally ashamed, did not take his eyes off the floor, unable to resist the audacity I committed.
- Forgive him, Monsignor - Don Pablo said -, I never thought that he was so confused inside, and that he was so impolite and disrespectful. Apologize to Monsignor and repent of your sins, because you are already condemned! I never thought you where like this...
The old man did not finish speaking, he felt too bad and making a bow, bowed his head before the saint, got up and took a few steps in search of the exit.

- Quiet, Don Pablo, sit down and let him speak as much as he wants, that is the beginning of his healing - said the bishop, trying to calm the excited mood of my old friend -. The first reaction that the devil provokes when he is in a sacred place and before a minister of God, is the agitation and the insult to all the divine things that dazzle him with a strong and wonderful light like that projected by God.
Don Pablo returned, although he still breathed with difficulty, making a gesture of resignation.
- Since when, to reveal the doubts and to investigate for what is not known, is an offense and a sin? I asked, slowly, trying to defend my position - I have the right to ask about my doubts, yes or no?
- Of course, young man - the prelate said calmly - and has more faith in our words and in the words of God himself, who was the creator of the most holy trinity. A father, a son and a holy spirit, are three different people and one true God. Do not analyze things so much separately, close your eyes with much faith and believe, that will lead you to eternal life.
- Eternal life? ... What I want to live for eternally, with the painful memories of an unhappy life. My mother and my father die for ridiculous needs, my great love moves away with a being that she does not love, and I end up wallowing in the misery of drug addicts and prostitutes who had problems when they were children and could not defend themselves. "Three men raped me when I was nine years old" "That my father left home and we had to wander the streets asking for a piece of bread so as not to die of hunger" These are the comments of the sinful friends, because you must judge them, surely. What can be asked of a person torn apart inside, when she imagines that her only salvation is alcohol? What can be asked of blind priests, locked in their ornate and luxurious churches, while children die on the sidewalks because of hunger? Do you want a serious analysis of what the Bible and its rich religion are? - I questioned, and, without giving them time to react, I continued with my misguided story - There was a madman there, who wrote that the moon, the stars, the earth, the sun and man, had been created by God in a week. I forgive him because when he wrote that, no one had released the theory of the evolution of species and life. Then they came and wrote the story of Jesus Christ, with death, resurrection, trinity and a lot of faith for what does not fit and, in the end, a crazier madman than all the previous ones wrote the Apocalypse, announcing horrific deaths that they have suffered for centuries to the poor ignorant peasants. Explain to me all that, Monsignor, that I do not understand anything sincerely! - And, getting on my knees, I asked the bishop -. Monsignor, what can I do to get out of this sea of ​​doubt?
The saint looked at me and began to say:
- There is a very large word, but very small, because it consists of only two letters: "Faith". You have to have a lot of faith and you will receive the divine reward. Do not dream about the things you cannot get and resign yourself to living with what you really deserve, because if you deserve something different, God would give it to you.
- You say it about Marisol, father?
- I do not say it for anything in particular. It seemed to me that you torture yourself by analyzing small things that turn into problems. Try rather to follow the easy path, approach it with all the love of the world and you will see that you can do everything with your own effort.

- Father, do I have the license of a saint like you, to take the shortest route and prepare my own future? Have you told me, yourself, that my hands can work a future without obstacles? If you understand me, father?
- Yes, man, I understand you. That's how I got to where I am - clarified the prelate, taking me out of my silly confusion.
- Most Holy Father, I have understood the overwhelming truth of his words, let me bend my knees before his wise presence.
I prostrated myself before the imposing priest and kissed his hands with humility.
-Is it true, reverend Monsignor, that Jesus Christ renounced everything, to show us that this was the best way to overcome death? ... He renounced Mary Magdalene to teach us that in this way love became greater; he renounced his mother to grow in bliss and martyred his flesh to grow in holiness ... I, on the other hand, a poor man who does know how to love with all my heart, I have found in this precise moment that which everyone was searching without success. I, unleashing the pleasures of meat and wine without measure, I found the holy grail, I found the magic key that makes us eternally young, I found that true and eternal love that fills us with light and happiness through the centuries of centuries. Amen. And know, my dear Monsignor, that since I met Marisol, hell disappeared. I loved my princess and I understood the relativity of time and space ... I enjoyed the love of that angelic creature and evolved from the material plane, to the mental plane and to the astral plane where there is no repentance, no remorse, no sin. For me, everything is good and it is eternal happiness despite being living in misery and in the center of alcoholism. It is true love that gives meaning to life and we are very happy that we have been able to find it, because we evolve in peace and enjoy the honey of that heaven for all eternity. Know, Monsignor, that there is no beginning or end. There is no past or future. There is only the already and the now. Time does not exist and there is only a succession of experiences that prepare us in the evolution of our conscious eternity and, I, had the privilege of reaching heaven in advance; I have had the opportunity to master the natural laws of physics and today I promise you, my dear Monsignor, that I will never again taste the liquor.
- Liar disgusting, do not get tired of continuing with your antics - shouted Don Pablo, annoyed by my speech and by that little promise.
- That is not an invention, that is the holiness of Jesus Christ who multiplied the loaves and who walked on water and who is being imitated by the intelligent people. Right, father?

- True, very true, Alejandro.
Don Pablo remained speechless at the words of the saint.
- Monsignor, I do have a lot of faith - said the peasant who had not spoken a word since he came to the sacristy - and I hope he takes me into account when he is next to God.
<< Definitely, the men of Antioquia the great if they are gifted, I thought. Even the humblest of the peasants releases the trap at the precise moment, imitating the most practical man in history. >>
Suddenly, Monsignor got up.
- You excuse me, but I have to go to pray two masses with trisagium - he announced in a serious voice -; and, you, become smarter so that you suffer less. Did you hear?
- Yes, your sanctity - I answered hastily. The saint began to walk towards the exit and I, interrupting the way, I threw myself on my knees at his feet.
- Thanks for the tips! You are a man of talent in this unhealthy society.
- I thank Don Pablo, for having brought him, and I hope that you stop being such a buffoon and stop shocking the humble people. I hope you have understood how they are.
- Yes, your reverence, thank you very much.
Monsignor went to dress solemnly, for the ceremony of the sacred Eucharist. Don Pablo and the peasant were calm and satisfied, after I bowed my knees and my pride before the most beloved saint of the area. I went to my aunt's house, with the soul and sense of location more lost than ever.

- CHAPTER NUMBER TEN -


At four o'clock in the afternoon I sent for Don Pablo and asked him to send a letter to Marisol. The good man accepted and I started writing without having clear idea of ​​what I was going to say.
Marisol:
I have already discovered where all our hopes have gone. It is your silence the dark pond where the monstrous structure of this evil thought began to develop. I am embarking on a journey in which I will save a little bit of money in this quagmire of suffering. I will take the lead and become the energy that will surround and cover you, until the anguish and my absence, force you to continue on the path of absolute rest. Yes, Marisol mine, I will die in very little. For many days I contemplated the countryside with the illusion of seeing you come back to me. Today I write these notes to you, at the moment in which I have definitively renounced everything. I do not want to see you anymore; I do not want you to contemplate the deterioration of this ephemeral body that got tired of waiting for you. I do not want anything in life anymore. I will travel in the carousel of a defeat without opportunities, and I will surrender to the cold embrace of certain death. I will not die for you, I will not die defending or fighting for a love that you forgot; I am going to die because my weakened body froze before the coldness of human calculations, which were superior to my deluded heart. How to pretend an answer? How to demand the presence of a girl like you, who was playing with an unreal blue prince? How to claim life for a love as fleeting as a crazy meteorite?

Marisol forgives that I write to you in this way, sorry that at times I have distrusted you, but you have not left me a lifesaver in the stormy sea of ​​despair and abandonment. I have tried to believe that you are the culprit of a sacrifice that made you submerge in the darkness of religious fanaticism, which you have been taught all your life, and I have achieved it. Dammit! Today I would like those rooted principles, that unconditional nobility and that quality of commitment, did not exist within you ... I love you without values, I love you without principles, I love you by my side. Marisol! please do not sacrifice yourself, renounce that torture that I know you love me; I have known it from the first moment our souls approached, from the first time our bodies surrendered full of a heavenly desire ... Now that I am so far away from you, when I think of Michael by your side, I suffer a great torment and my heart swells with the fury of helpless and cowardly impotence.
Do you remember the apples you sent me after the sad meeting in which you accepted, personally, the commitment that would unite you all your life with that petulant fool? I have thought a lot about them, and I have not yet been able to discover the meaning of that strange gift that, over time, has become a rotten and smelly adornment, like my soul and my mind. Everything rots and disappears, although eternity itself, embodied in God, it will not be able to erase the love that was born in our hearts from the day our destinies were crossed in the fire of young desires. Your arms have tightened me, your mouth looked for me desperately and your body was opened in the immense desire of an eternal acceptance. You're mine! Yes, Marisol, mine for all eternity ... I do not care where you are, I do not care if you have a husband and a happy marriage, I do not care about the sin that I commit to wish you, I do not care about the punishment sent to me by the Gods of shoddy, I do not care about anything, because in my veins and in my mind sails a sincere, clean and transparent love; a love that flies by the stars, a love that dyes the skies with the intense blue of a Turkish illusion, a love that is reflected in the aquamarine green of a sea agitated by the whales of my thoughts. Black and immense whales like the dreams in which I kill your husband. Never, before today, I had renounced you, and even if I transformed myself into a star, a sun, a galaxy or a comet, I would always be waiting for you to merge into a hug, the love that had neither space nor time, because we did it of eternity.
Marisol, I'm crawling on the ground like a reptile, although I feel like a star in the sky. We are immortal stars that we cannot fall, because the eternal one takes us in its bosom, where it has always taken you, my enchanted Goddess. I will always keep waiting for you, not in this life, but in the other.
Goodbye My Love! Forever!
Alexander.

I used the influence he exerted on the old administrator. I folded the paper and put it in an open envelope that my emissary guaranteed that, within a very short time, I would be in the blessed hands of my sweet beloved.
Poor Marisol had not had peace in recent months; all her fears were being fulfilled and fulfilled in a way that she could not stop them. His spirit once so happy, so dominant, was in complete despair and a thousand arrows of pain tore the depths of his soul. Was it the love he felt for me, what had withered his joy? Was it outrage at his foolish fidelity? Was it the sad compassion that I felt when Don Pablo told him that I was dying, through his fault, on the road to perdition? How to separate from your husband after a sacred oath before God? How could he confess that he did not feel anything for him? They had lived in silence for a long time (according to what he had said to Don Pablo). Could Marisol be able to break the silence to tell her foolish husband, who continues to love another man with all the strength of his soul? What attitude will your stubborn husband assume when he knows the truth? Could she continue to endure a farce that oppresses her soul? All these reflections were born from the comments Don Pablo made to me, unable to resign themselves to seeing the lives of two of the people he loved the most, because He considered us as his children.
The sadness and the silence did not let her see, to my Marisol, the horrible damage that was being caused and that was causing us, to continue obstinate in fulfilling a ridiculous commitment, and in keeping up appearances before an elitist society, that would punish her Realizing that he has abandoned the sacred Catholic marriage, for going to live in sin with a humble worker who wallows in the stinking mud of shamelessness. Neither of us had left another alternative; I, with a love I did not know how to control, scandalized the people by drinking liquor, with the abuse of good manners of education and lack of respect for life, and her, with a commitment and a faith towards her Catholic religion that bordered on fanaticism, while he retained her with patience, the luxury that I gave him, the silence and the unconditional and sincere constancy. That had become a conflict that, now, was throwing dire results. The desperate letter that I sent him, came to join all the previous problems.
I, as all my acts prove, never hid the fervent desire to die. Don Pablo had reproached me many times and he had often argued with Marisol, who felt guilty in the face of that constant threat; although he expressed, with some sensitivity, that he was completely innocent of that situation and that he had powerful reasons to doubt that this attitude was a proof of true love. Not, at least, in a man she had believed to be intelligent and brave. If all this served to punish her for a decision that had not depended on her, it also served to keep her static in a shameful, unpleasant and painful situation, although she knew perfectly well that I was dying for a desperate love.
Michael did not leave the farm all day. Marisol, who already knew about the arrival of the letter, tried to take him away by all means to receive it. In the end, Michael left and Marisol was left alone, but more nervous than ever. The presence of the husband she feared and respected had deeply anguished her heart. It had been an hour since the faithful husband had left and Marisol was getting more and more nervous and anxious. He knew how difficult it was for him to conceal a secret of this magnitude, even though he did not ask anything, or press her in any way. Michael returned from the garden and Marisol hurried to meet him, full of fear. He was satisfied with the good condition in which he had found the garden; He sat down in the living room and in complete silence he dedicated himself to contemplating her how to perceive her agitation.

The appearance of Don Pablo came to make things worse. As if her whole body had frozen, Marisol wanted to get up and her legs did not obey her. He could not control his nerves, he did not know what to do and finally, making an effort on human, he got up and addressed the newcomer and asked:
- Did you bring the letter my father sent me?
- Don Pablo shook his head, understanding the terrible mistake that had made the anguished princess. Why would I send him a letter, if his father could visit him whenever he wanted?
- No, I just came to greet them and know how they are.
- I'm surprised by the sudden interest in us, when a few days ago the only thing that interested him was the health of the raggedness that has sown mistrust and confusion in my home - said Michael pale with rage.
- It was not my intention to offend - he answered, Don Pablo, scared by the pressure of the jealous husband.
- Come better, old son of a bitch, and show me that letter he brings in his treacherous pockets - shouted the obfuscated husband, jumping over the humanity of the ungainly old man. That was a catastrophe. Michael, after snatching the letter I had sent, in the company of two workers, dragged the old man from the house to the goal that was a hundred meters away, where he threw it so that the workers would kick him like a dog.
Don Ricardo, Marisol's father, learned of the incident and kicked the honest old man out of work, after more than twenty years of being at his service. I provoked everything. They dismissed the old man with his wife and his little adopted son, without a peso in his pocket. That family had to go to live in the outskirts of the town and, Don Pablo, invited me to share his humble home, without protesting the tremendous problem in which he had put them.
- Come and live with me, to see if you stop drinking alcohol, and, calmly, if a broth turns out, a broth we take in peace, without having to pretend our true feelings.

That's what the old man argued, the day he invited me to live with them in his humble home. I was thinking for several days and finally decided to take refuge with my humble protector, and at the same time to avoid the company of my hysterical aunt.
It was an afternoon with a clear blue sky. After several laps through the suburb, I finally discovered the ramshackle ranch. An unpainted door and a wall of earth that was about to fall, formed the front of that shelter. I pushed the rough door and looked inside; an oil lamp illuminated a very poor room, about four meters wide by about four meters long, in which there was only one cot, a table with a gas stove, two or three overflowed cups, four tin plates and three smoked pots In the angle of the bottom, there were two dilapidated chairs occupied with the folded clothes of the whole family. Everything Don Pablo had told me was true, in that place there was enough space for me.
Dona Amparo, the wife of my old friend, was a terribly skinny woman, thin and small; of hair scarce and dry due to malnutrition, his neck was twisted and to look at someone he turned his head with his whole body. I was pacing back and forth in the large room, saddened by the sorry state they were in at the time of my arrival. I reassured her that everything was normal and even advantageous. The woman was not more than forty years old and in the midst of her nervous attitude and that suffocating environment, she coughed incessantly. The boy, who was about ten years old, greeted me with kindness and wished me a comfortable welcome, showing great security and intelligence for his years.
- Well, Alejandro, it's going to be your turn to sleep on the floor while we make a bed of coffee sticks. On the day you can share this cot with us, if you want to take a nap.

Thus began my adventure with that humble family. Food was scarce and I, the next day, left very early, struggling not to consume what little they had left. I spent all day drinking alcohol and did not come back until afternoon, when I was no longer able to stand up because of the liquor. I was embarrassed to enter the room and I stood in the doorway. Dona Amparo looked at me and, having to say, asked me:
- Is it possible that you keep drinking when you are already killing your life?
I did not answer anything. She got close to where I was and holding my arm took me to rest at the feet of Don Pablo, who had not gotten up all day, because he was very sick after the beating.
- How is it possible that you are drinking, while in this house you can take care of your needs? - the old man asked, weakened by the fever. I ignored it. I covered myself with a blanket and went to sleep for about an hour, until someone knocked on the door and we all listened carefully.
- Who? - he asked, Don Pablo, reluctantly. The visitor pushed the door and was impressed with the disorder of our residence.
- What good! ... A lawyer to help me, disinterestedly, to claim social benefits and the pension they owe me, after a lifetime of work in which I only got sick - the old man scoffed - Do you do me the favor and tell me what you need?
The stranger examined the place and, staring at Don Pablo, who was sitting on the bed, answered:
- I'm Miguel Angel Builes, Don Michael's lawyer.
The name of my rival penetrated me to the marrow of the bones. I, covered with a dirty blanket, in the midst of the fever, I realized that they had sent an emissary to alleviate the offenses that had been done to Don Pablo and me. Stomach pain and weakness were killing me, however, I kept listening to the conversation.
- That beauty! I thought so! - Don Pablo said in a mocking tone -. And what reason brought him to this pigsty?
- I would like to speak a few words on behalf of my employer, if you allow me.

- What are you going to say to me, you, in the name of that bastard? ... What a lot of money he has and that he is going to order us to kill everyone. Tell that man that we have already lost everything we were going to lose, and that if he orders us to kill he does us a great favor. But come; sit here by my side, so that you realize the mattresses in which the poor sleep.
- The man sat down and clearing his throat explained:
- I have come to apologize and to put myself at your disposal, to see if we can fix something about the fight.
- What about the fight? - Interrupted, Don Pablo - It will be more like the massacre that your boss hit me in the company of his two brutal workers.
Don Pablo finished saying, bringing his wrinkled and furious face closer, about two inches from the white face of the well-dressed lawyer.
- He sends to ask for clemency, before I hit the kill that I have sentenced - I shouted, leaving my unhealthy refuge -. Do you think it's very nice, that those three fagots take this poor old man and kick him, until his head was split and his teeth were knocked out?
- How? ... I did not know that - clarified the surprised messenger.
- Yes, that crap of his employer, sent this poor old man of sixty-five years to the hospital, with a wound of seven centimeters in the scalp, with three fractured teeth that were the only ones he had, with two broken ribs and with lessons throughout the body.
- Shut up, Alejandro, what a problem this is not with you! - exclaimed the offended old man.
- Easy, sir, here is no problem; I just come to see how we can square amicably!
- Do you think, what can be arranged that way, simply? Don Pablo shouted, his lips purple with fury. "You will not pretend, you, that I kneel and ask your employer for forgiveness, for having dirtied the floors of the farm with my blood?"

With my face broken by anger, the look of my old friend approached the face of the frightened visitor.
- Calm down, sir, that I have come is to apologize, begging him to forgive his attackers ... The fact is that Don Michael regrets everything that has happened to you, your family and, if possible, would like that you personally accept his forgiveness.
- That beauty! So they hit me until they left me in a state of unconsciousness and then they ask me for forgiveness and now, that's it, the matter is over?
- How do you come up with? ... - the lawyer immediately said - No. The Lord wants you to demand what you want from him.
- So if I told him to kiss my head wound, would he do it?
- Clear! Of course I would!
- What humility! What manners! - Exclaimed the indignant old man - I was impressed, you, with the chivalry of Don Michael. But allow, sir, to present the inhabitants of this humble abode. She is my wife, who suffers from epileptic attacks and chronic bronchitis. This is my adopted son, because when I was little he gave me an illness that left me sterile. This other boy, who smells like liquor and of which there are only one ninety of his bones, I have here as living proof of what a miserable and unlucky life is.
- How good! It is a very special family! - exclaimed the lawyer without knowing what to argue.
- Enough protocols with that stranger. You are that you have no blood in your veins, or what happens to Don Pablo? - I screamed mortified. Not only that they beat up an old man and that they sacrifice my beloved, but they also bother us inside our misery.

- Do not interrupt the conversations of others. Or is it that they did not teach you urbanity at school? - Reprimanded the old man with a smile on his lips, as if to say that he was an accomplice of my rudeness - He is crazy! - he added, addressing the visitor - We are in total misery. There are now only three pounds of rice, a kilo of potatoes and a little butter. Oh! And water; I do have all the water they want to drink.
Dad! Dad! - exclaimed the boy who had remained silent - Do not talk like that, please ... What does it matter to this gentleman if we are enduring hunger? - The child was not able to continue talking; Sobs sprang up from his chest and tears flooded his innocent eyes. My old friend came quickly to his side.
- Calm down, my son; do not cry that your daddy will soon start working so that you do not need anything.
Don Pablo carried the child and wiped his face with a handkerchief, then he was filled with anger and told the lawyer:
- If you have seen the wonders what does your agent do?
- Yes sir! What a pity!
- What is the need to show our misery to these people? Why do you talk to that guy? Make it, to leave, we do not need at all - I argued under the blanket that increased my fever.
- It's true! ... Sorry I made you feel uncomfortable - and addressing the lawyer -. Look at this boy who is pale and shaken by the fevers of death; wherever you see him, he was one of the best men in this area. It's a pity that he has lived through so many miseries. Imagine that your dear mother touched ...
- Enough! - I interrupted full of fury - Stop being such a buffoon what that does not shine you and, besides, it is not good for anything.

- Sir, today I have something very important to tell you - The emissary hurried to comment.
- Of course you have something very important to tell me! - Don Pablo argued with mockery - Or what has come to this ranch? To visit the people who love me, or what? ... And speaking of people who love me, I still have not been able to explain what happened to me. See this wound on my head? And that's nothing - said the old man raising his shirt - See the bruise I have in the column? ... His agent took to drag my hair and hit me a peel, for a silly thing that is not appropriate to mention it. He threw me to the ground and in the company of two of his servile workers; they kicked me until they almost killed me. What most mortifies me is that he did everything, before the eyes of the girl Marisol and when she dragged me by the hair, she ran to me, shouting: << Don Pablo, Don Pablo! >> Then he grabbed my shirt and trying to free me, he shouted at the husband << Let go, idiot, it's all my fault! >> With his delicate hands he tried to hold the fat man and begged them on his knees to leave me, when they were kicking me on the floor. My face was covered with blood and she, in the midst of despair and tears, was the one who bandaged me to take me to the hospital.
- I promise you - exclaimed the subject - that my agent will compensate him and kiss his feet in that same yard and in front of Dona Marisol.
- Oh! What a fool you are! Do not think and decide things for others, and much less, when it comes to crawling spoons that are not able to face real men - I wrote, sticking my head out of a broken blanket -. Because, if you want, you ask your employer, what do you want to find with Alejandro? ... So that we stab and see a lot of blood without having to run over old people.

- I was throwing blood through my mouth and nose - continued the old man, trying to forget the comment that I made full of fury -. The saddest thing is that this scene will remain etched in the mind of my sweet girl for life. Because Marisol is like my own daughter since she was born. What good is it to us to be good and honest people, if the others massacre us and throw us into the street without a coin in our pocket? ... I had opportunities to rob the boss and get money, but for what? ... If I considered myself part of that family. I do not know, from now on, what's next for us. I am very old and they do not give me any work now, the child is very young and it would be a shame to put him to support us, my wife is very nervous and epileptic crises will not wait, Alejandro, who is not this family, in the midst of their anguish and their alcoholism has become a burden for this train that is not running.
- Don Michael will have to apologize - assured the lawyer moved by the situation.
- I went to the police inspection to report the abuse and, as soon as they realized that the aggressor was Don Michael, they told me that he had probably tried to rob him and that the street fights did not allow for any type of sanction. Honestly, I do not know what to do. The ribs hurt me a lot, the bruise I have on my back does not let me walk and the fever that caused the blows still does not take off. I do not know how we are going to raise our bread? ... The lease of this humble house cost me the last pesos I had saved; also reached for a little food, but you know that four mouths always eat, and this, Alejandro, who is very tall, yes he eats more.

- I hope that time cures offenses! - Don Pablo exclaimed - Because I have not yet related my complete sufferings; let me tell you. The day I arrived from the hospital, with my face all swollen and bursting inside, because I feel my belly all inflamed and I feel that it drips as if the liver dropped gothic blood; from that moment the child is crazy. He feels desperate and in the immaturity of his years, he filled his heart with hatred and revenge. It turns out crying without reason and without reason, and, when one less thinks, it is put to discuss alone, as elaborating a plan to collect the offenses. The damage has been very great and it ended up completing the old selfish Don Ricardo, putting my legs in the street. If I were to see my poor dead son, I would not think for a moment and kill Michael with my own hands; because first dead people who were humiliated by the wealthy pigs. It is that the rich lack the dignity that we have to spare, we, those who have had to suffer all kinds of needs and hardships. In abundance, the truth of things is not known, because everything is nuanced with the calculations of degrading comfort. It is assumed that, being the father, I have to be the example and the guide that will trace the path in the life of my boy and now, with what face I will look him in the eyes after this terrible humiliation. How can I reprimand him, if I have not triumphed for a single day in my life? and, to finish adjusting, they dragged me like trash that can be trampled. I have no older children to defend me and fight for me, and send this alcoholic over there, is how to send him to certain death - he said referring to me, who was tucked under the blanket, totally annihilated by fever and hopelessness -; because you cannot fight with the billionaires. These men do not have a heart, and that is the main quality they have to have to start getting money. I do not know what I'm going to do with the child, who still does not understand things - Don Pablo said, in a low voice, so that the boy, who was playing on the other side of the room, would not listen - or rather, yes he understands, but I do not know how to conceal them. Yesterday he said to me with a voice broken by pain << Papa! Why do not we go to a farm far away, where nobody knows that the man hit him in front of the girl Marisol? >> << Yes, my son, I answered cornered -, it's a good idea >> I did not have anything else to say, because being a coward is acceptable, but incapable and gross, it is a collection of shame. I let him make the plans and, now, I'm on a dead end road. << We can buy ten calves; it does not matter if they are small, and a horse like "Tormento de Boyacá". No, one of the same colors, but be more meek than that. We can also buy chicks, so they can become chickens and give us lots of eggs ... Daddy! >> << What, son? >> I answered thoughtfully << That man hit you because you are already very old? >> << No, my son, he hit me because ... Because I offended him first >> was what I had to say to cover the cowardice with the dishonor of baseness and outrage ... Yes, dear friend, this has turned me into a dead end road.

He finished saying after having reconstructed the ridiculous dialogue. Thus concluded the string of inconsistencies that told the stranger who looked at us with disgust.
- I have the way to fix all this ... If you want?
- Yes, and how would he do it? - The old idiot asked.
- Listen to me well, my friend - said the lawyer for the money - I have a very good proposal. With the accident that happened that afternoon, on Don Michael's farm, everyone has suffered; especially Mrs. Marisol. She is very sorry and does nothing but cry. This morning it occurred to him to send me and he asked me to give him this gift, "said the man, extending a little red velvet bag.
I could not stand the curiosity and, looking for a space between the blankets, I contemplated the scene with contained fury.
- How are you like that man? - Don Pablo said, retreating at the insistence of the Lord.
- See, Don Pablo! - exclaimed the graduate. Dumping the contents of the bag. << How! There was the pearl necklace, the gold handle inlaid with silver, the earrings of fine emeralds, the rings that previously adorned each of my pretty Marisol's fingers and a small wad of bills. How could you angel my? >> Don Pablo recoiled, affected, his face red with fury and grabbing by the neck, the elegant man, he said:

- He does me the favor and leaves, immediately, and tells the girl Marisol that the problem is not with her; this is a problem among men, and between men we will fix it.
- Say to that monster of Michael - I shouted without being able to contain myself -, that I will kill him for having beaten an old man and that, if he thinks himself very man, I challenge him to a challenge wherever he wants and with the weapon he wants.
I got up to talk more closely with the gentleman who was already leaving the ranch, but Don Pablo gave me a push that nailed me in the middle of my fever and my despair. The lawyer was pale, never imagined the reaction of us to see the jewelry that, Marisol, sacrificed to compensate for the faults that the monster of his husband had committed.
- How have you, the vileness of accepting this proposal? Or is it that he thought I was a coward, because they beat me between three?
- No, sir - the man hurriedly said, completely decomposed by the scene that had formed him -, I am a messenger simply, and I came moved by the sadness that he gave to Mrs. Marisol, when realizing your luck .
- I hope you do not count, not one word, of the misery that you have seen and heard in this place, and, now, move away and do not make the mistake of trying to buy a conscience because, listen well, it is preferable to die of hunger , rather than crawling along the shameful path of alms -. Don Pablo finished saying, totally decomposed, while holding the right side, expressing a deep pain after the effort he made to suppress my anger. The old man had something inside; He was dying slowly, but thank God he rejected that miserable offer. The lawyer had no more to say and, unable to bear the bewilderment asked for forgiveness and walked away without looking back.

- CHAPTER NUMBER ELEVEN -

Two days of relative calm passed but, on the third day, the patient became worse; Don Pablo lost consciousness and breathed with difficulty. Dona Amparo was standing, pale and prey to a nervous breakdown. The boy was frightened at the old man's state and, sending out anguished cries, he threw himself into his mother's arms and embraced her trembling.
- By God, do not put yourself in that state! - I advised calmly - He is sleeping normally, although he is a little weaker. Do not worry that, within a few minutes, he will regain consciousness.
- I was already suspecting it! - Dona Amparo exclaimed, turning to her husband. At this moment I realized that the ugly woman would not have her famous attacks of epilepsy and that calmed my soul. The lady unbuttoned the patient's shirt and began rubbing her belly with antiseptic alcohol, forgetting everything around her and drowning out the crying that wanted to come out of her chest.
I realized that the situation was serious, and I convinced the boy to go to the mayor's office and to arrange an appointment with the lawyer.
- Pedrito! - I shouted to overcome my anguish - Run to find the lawyer. Hurry up. If you do not find him in the mayor's office, you go to Don Michael's farm and ask for him. If you cannot find him anywhere, you leave him right with Dona Marisol, who tells him that I wait for him in the atrium of the church at four in the afternoon.

- Damn my luck, in a thousand times - said the woman without stopping going and coming for the ramshackle room -. I live as good in my parents' house and I get to marry this ragged. Papa was a farmer dedicated to the cultivation of beans; we had more than thirty cows and a cheese and butter factory. The hens abounded and the amount of food was such that we could not eat a tenth of it. When I was sixteen years old, a veterinarian came to control an epidemic of candela fever that the cows had taken; the man since he arrived was captivated by my beauty, and, in four months he stayed with us, he did not miss a single day in my house, to beg for an opportunity. I never accepted your prayers because of that idiot who is lying in bed and who now wants to abandon us, after having squandered my inheritance and having finished with my youth and my life ... What did I get from this ragged , what would not have been mistreatment and disconsolation?
I did not resist that string of barbarities. Without thinking more, and with a bitter taste in my mouth, I left the ranch and went to the center of town to attend the appointment that surely the child had already arranged. I walked a long time without direction and in the end ...
- Thirty minutes ago what was waiting for him! - The lawyer argued.
- Yes, the ranch is always far away and I have these feet very swollen! - I explained distressed - Don't you get done, Don Michael, if he sees you walking with me?

- Calm down, man, the man is not as bad as you think! ... And what is the reason for the appointment? - asked the graduate curiously.
- Haber, how will he explain? - I started to say indecisive - For me this is very difficult, because if it were my life I would not mind; but it is that of Don Pablo and to that gentleman I do owe him many favors.
- Is very sick? - The lawyer asked.
- Bad very bad! I think he is dying! He does not see anything on the outside, but his belly is all swollen and he is no longer able to get up. The fever is consuming him and, in the last days, after you visited us, he has done nothing but rave. He worries a lot about his young son and the abandonment in which he has his family. The supplies ran out yesterday and we have no weight to take him to one of those scoundrels.
- Scoundrels?
- Yes, doctors and priests are only where there is money; they handle a false humanism that is more filthy and sinful than the same offenses that the hungry and ignorant people commit.
- And what do you want? ... Go to where Mrs. Marisol and claim the jewels that you rejected with haughtiness and arrogance ... Or what?
- Not what! - I exclaimed anguished - That lady does not bother her at all. I want you to talk to Don Ricardo and remind him that Don Pablo worked for him more than thirty-six years. Ask him not to abandon him in disgrace, after he served him honestly throughout his life.
- The bad thing is that the superstitious of Don Ricardo, thinks that all the misfortunes were because of the black luck of that gentleman. Moreover, where I tell him that he is dying, instead of giving him sadness, it will give him great joy that the cause of his bad luck will die.

- How? I cannot believe what you are saying! - I protested sadly - That gentleman cannot be so rough. How are you going to dedicate all the bad things that have happened to you in the last days, to poor Don Pablo who has been a soul of God? Definitely, this life is very unfair.
- Brother, I think that looking for money with that man is a lost case. Yes, you, want, I ask something of Don Michael's wife, who is the one who cares most about you.
- Yes? ... He asked for someone in particular? - I investigated without knowing why he was doing it.
- The afternoon I returned to return the jewelry, I was talking a long time with her. He forced me to tell him the visit with great detail and I do not stop crying from beginning to end. She suffers a lot, because that man was like his second father, from childhood.
That talk deeply moved my soul. << How has life come to involve us in this orgy of pain? Why have all things come together to crush us in the humiliating impotence of incapacity? To what bitter revolution, is the birth of such delicate love leading us? I wanted to die, I said finally, and I had to postpone my funeral to try to save a man who clings with his hands to death. This miserable life. Being sixty-five years old and a sacred obligation is a very big reason to be truly lost. I do not know what is better? ... If I give up living, or live for later I will not be able to give up.

The lawyer stared at me, not understanding anything of what I had said. I remained silent for a few seconds and finally continued:
- Forget all this friend. I am sorry for the child and the humble lady, but in reality, the pain of other people should not matter to me when my heart is a sea of ​​despair and anguish.
- There is very little I can do - the lawyer started saying -, but yes, you, want, take these five thousand pesos, out of my own pocket, so that the woman can buy some things to eat.
I felt ashamed. I thought of my mother and the tears escaped my eyes. My whole body began to tremble and I felt the world spinning around me. The lawyer grabbed my arm, alarmed by my ridiculous weakness.
Alejandro, what's wrong? - asked the man with property. Since when did this stranger know my name? Or would it be Marisol was talking about me?
- Quiet! Calm down, it's nothing! - I muttered recovering my composure.
- Come I accompany you to the ranch, and, right there, I look at Don Pablo and I give the money, personally, to his unhappy wife.
Three o'clock in the afternoon rang on the old church clock. We go slowly and talk very little during the journey.
- You can sue Don Michael, for personal injury in the old man - advised the good man, moved by our situation.
- There is, my lord - I exclaimed as if defeated - in this country the laws are for the poor. You can kill two or three, and, if you have a good amount of money, in four or five months you are on the street. With money, if you are the aggressor, prosecutors magically make him appear as the aggressed. Anyway, thanks for the advice. Although I believe that Don Pablo dies from today to tomorrow.

- How bad is it? - asked the kind sir.
- Wait for him to see the color! - I noted perceiving the smile that was drawn on my lips. << What a strange mania that I had acquired since they gave me the news of my mother's death; the more painful things were, the more I liked to comment on them >> The lawyer was walking by my side. He was a thin man, and although he had good manners and distinction in speaking, his stained teeth and his narrow, humble face betrayed the sufferings of a difficult childhood.

- Are you a lawyer? - I asked for something to talk about.
- No, I was studying at the university. I passed three semesters and I had to retire due to the bad economic situation. Now I am a clerk in the police inspection, and I advise people who are involved in problems.
We got to the front of the house; we stopped and breathed deeply, as if a special mission awaited us. We entered the room where the whole family was. The atmosphere was heavy and breathing became difficult. Don Pablo, who had already regained consciousness, in the midst of his pain and his illness, received the visitor with kindness; although the scene of the jewels had represented for him a pity wave. The saddest thing of his memories were when the Marisol girl bandaged his wounds, letting out disconsolate tears of his great and beautiful eyes; He remembered that at all times and would not let it be forgotten. Don Pablo had not left the bed against the wall for three days, with an image of the virgin all over the front, located at a strategic point to intercede for him. The lady trembled with a nervous crisis, as if foreseeing the death of her inseparable companion. The convulsions were appearing in the delicate woman, although they had not yet manifested themselves gravely. The boy looked at his father lying on the bed and remained pensive; He did not talk to anyone and sometimes he cried in the kitchen, when he thought nobody was watching him. Don Pablo was uncomfortable and did not dismiss the graduate for pure education. The kind official gave the five thousand pesos to Dona Amparo, clarifying that they were his account. Don Pablo did not object, he accepted the donation realizing the difficult situation we were going through. The official approached the bed and was surprised to see that face so yellow and so thin. The patient had eyes irritated by fever and enlarged like those of a madman. The arms were as thin as dry branches.

- How are you, Don Pablo? - He said in a voice broken by grief.
- Very bad! - The patient replied.
- What a miracle it changed the genius!
- Excuse me! ... That day was special - the old man argued, his voice very weak.
- The only thing that has no solution in life is death. I believe that in some moments of crisis, we should leave the pride aside and behave in a sensible way. Will you allow me, sir, what to talk to Don Michael and his wife? ... I could get the money for you to pay for a doctor.
- No! No way! - exclaimed the patient with the desperate voice and with the eyes to point of leaving to him by the impression.
I got up from the chair in which I was sitting and approaching the visitor I said:
- Please, that's already a closed case! Yes?
- If that? - Asked the official with anger - If they want to wallow in their misery and die without demanding what they are entitled by law, so be it. Here I have nothing to do, see you later.
The official left bravely and we remained silent. From that moment don Pablo did not say another word. He was half asleep and breathed with difficulty.
Hours passed and unable to resist, I approached the patient and I took the pulse. I stared at him and in extreme pallor, fatal news was reflected.

- Alejo! Alejo! Do you believe that he is going to? ... - Dona Amparo asked me, her eyes full of tears.
- What will I know? I'm not a doctor! - I answered with the bitterness of impotence.
- Alejo! Please! Do you think what almost? ...
- I think it's better to resign ourselves at once!
- Alejo, for charity! - the woman shouted - Do something to save your friend.
- What can I do, if I'm also dying? - I answered before the claim that the desperate wife made me. The lady knew that I owed her many favors, but what she did not understand was that I, at that moment, was a worm without decision power and without any will.
- Alexander! Bring a doctor please, you explain that we have no money and beg you to pay the fees ...
- Easy, woman! Do not press it I cannot help it, "murmured the sick man, with barely perceptible voice, and, drawing strength from where he did not have, he extended his hands and offered them to his wife and me, squeezing us with his thin fingers. The lady was crying because of a nervous breakdown; I feared epilepsy, but thank God it did not happen.
- Oh, Alejo! I know what I'm going to die, and I hope you protect my family! Forget about that pampered girl and regenerate your life. Promise me please.
- Mr. Pablo! My friend! If you have faith, you will heal and we will all go forward!

- I'm already lost beyond repair, but you're hardly a boy. Fight for your life, leave that sadness and go ahead please - advised the old man with much weakness. Even in the last moments of his life, he offered me his unconditional support - Bring the child please!
- Pedrito! Pedrito! - The desperate woman shouted, waking the child that was sleeping at the father's feet, overcome by fatigue and hunger.
- I hope you never forget me, my son! - Don Pablo continued - Respect Alejandro as your godfather and your father.
- Shut up, stop being silly, we all know you're going to recover! - Dona Amparo shouted angrily.
- Alejandro! ... Bury me in the solar and never forget me. In the afternoon visit me with Marisol, I will be waiting for you. Protection! Amparo, please be careful! Goodbye!
- Dad! Dad! - cried the child bathed in tears, hugging the dying man with despair.
- Permission that I go for a doctor - I said cowardly, unable to resist the scene. I ran away. I did not know how to cry and I did not feel the need either.
I walked quickly, not knowing where to go. I was not aware of anything I did. I was sensing the death of my old friend and trying to escape the terrible reality of our misery ... Where to go? What to do?

- CHAPTER NUMBER TWELVE -


He had been wandering for an hour, or more, through the fertile fields of the cattle haciendas, where the beautiful pure Holsteins cows could be seen. Each of these females was worth a million and I without a peso in my pocket. I was spending time while my poor friend was dying. Suddenly, I became infected with the solitude of the immense eucalyptus, the fresh smell of pine trees and the pleasant aroma of wild flowers that reminded me of the cold, stiff embrace of death. I stayed there, like an automaton, without perceiving the passage of time. Time? ... What is time? Under the theory of Einstein, one of the greatest scientists that history has given, time is relative. At the speed of light, time does not exist. We had all thought that our existences are a parenthesis of time that opens with birth and closes with death, so if everything is relative and the parenthesis of time does not exist, what remains? ... Only our conscience remains without time and without space. If the theory of that great scientist works, then I will ignore this brief lapse of relative time, in which we have suffered so much.

How fertile is the imagination of those of us who are desperate. That afternoon I sat thinking about many things, even though my friend was dying and Marisol had forgotten me, I felt like a prince in the middle of immense freedom. I did not depend on anyone and no commitment subjected me to the ridicule of this world, not even death, because death unites the material plane with the spiritual plane; Death is an ascent to be Gods. In that divine moment of death, good, evil, sin, repentance, pain disappears and absolute happiness arrives.
<< Oh, my friend, how much I envy you ... Although I also enjoy that peace without dying. I only need to they disperse these terrible jealousies that make my heart ache, so that my happiness is happiness equal to what you should be feeling at this moment of your death. Thanks, friend, for everything you did for me. >> I have not been able to adapt to the realities of this brave world. I cannot resign myself to the defeat that the one who stole my love gave me. I'm not a resigned one. I came to seek in this world, the eternal power of my conscience and love; because everything else will be given to me in addition. I will never be the corpse of a poor and humble man. What a horror, I am the superman, who from today will fight for his destiny, breaking the mediocrity of the generalized thought. How is it possible that the great scientists of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries are looking for the beginning of the universe, when we live in a delicious eternity that has no beginning, no end and that goes beyond the senses of those poor idiots.
"First they have to be humiliated and then be exalted" and "The last will be the first" What a pair of such horrible lies. From today I only believe in my eternal conscience and in love.
That day I wanted to send a bouquet of flowers and a note that said:
Marisol:

I like your simplicity, your class and your sweetness.

Alejo

<< In the eyes of my adoration I discovered the true depth of things, because they are clearer than the sky and deeper than the sea >>
as I left the mountain of my secret analyzes, I found myself with the desperate cry of my humble reality.
I took so long in the walk that Dona Amparo had to go out to look for me before the macabre scene of her dead husband. Yes, two hours after my cowardly departure, the unfortunate old man died.
I ran to the house, pushed the rickety door and the boy threw himself into my arms crying in despair; he could not understand the horrible ending his self-sacrificing protector had had. The boy wore a shirt all gnawed, pants with a pair of patches on his knees and shoes that let him see all the fingers. Everything was unfair, the misery and the death of the humble man who worked for his family. Don Pablo, before dying, according to the mother, had advised him that in spite of all the misfortunes, he should not hold a grudge against anyone and against anything; because revenge would engender more pain and more sorrows.
- Who will protect us from now on? - He asked hugging me tightly - It's awful! I'm afraid to look at it! He is cold and very pale! I want you to show me who killed my dad.
- Why do you want to know that? - I investigated without knowing what to say.
- What is the culprit of my dad dying? - The boy found out, surprising me in his reach - Was it Don Ricardo or Don Michael?
- Neither of you is responsible! It is Don Pablo himself, the one who wanted to die, because he was already very old!

- I know others older than him, and they have not died! - Protested the anguished child, before my ridiculous lie - Then, my father got rid of us because he was already tired of such a hard obligation?
- Do not say those things! If you want me to tell you the truth, yet, none of us has understood how and when people die. I do not know if human beings die for good, for bad or for tired. Excuse me and do not pay attention to my silly words.
- It was better that I had died for having demanded more than he could give me! - the boy shouted letting go of my neck and going to take refuge under the bed in which his father lay.
Don Pablo, with his hands clasped in his chest, his eyes closed and his mouth ajar, was lying on the dirty bed. It was white as paper and looked like a skull. It had no flowers, no coffin, no candles, no habit, nothing. Nobody remembered him. Doña Amparo went to Marisol's house, to implore a little charity, to the insensitive kills elders, while the child sobbed under the ramshackle bed, uttering words of despair: << Papa beautiful! Why have you abandoned us? I was going to ask for alms so that we would not be hungry! Daddy, why did not you let me go ask for some food at Don Ricardo's house? If he was so good to us, why did he get angry with you? - shouted the boy under the bed where rested the helpless body of the old man, who could no longer hear him.

It had been three hours that these scenes were not modified when Dona Amparo arrived, accompanied by Don José Martinez, the carpenter, and a round-faced boy with a hairy mole on his cheek that reminded me of the werewolf of horror movies. The men brought an immense coffin, placed it in the middle of the room and, in silence, deposited the insignificant body inside it. They made the sign of the cross and in a loud voice they intoned a father of ours. They finished praying and, without looking at anyone, they left. Don Pablo in his white shirt, on Sundays, and his only cloth pants, waited, with his feet covered by well-patched stockings, the time to march to his heavenly abode. The men left the coffin on the floor and I looked at him disconsolately, not daring to say anything.
- Alexander! Will you help me raise the coffin to the bed?
- Yes ma'am! With pleasure! - I exclaimed worried. The simple coffin was huge and had nowhere to hold it. Despite the tremendous effort we could only move it a little.
- Pedrito, gets out of there! - The anguished mother shouted - Come let us raise your father!
The boy left reluctantly and the scene was repeated. The insignificant body, and the immense box, weighed too much for the three of us. The truth is that in the last week we had eaten very little and the forces were scarce.
- Why do not you tell one of your friends to help us? - asked the good woman to my indecision and my disability. I was petrified and I did not know what to do << Friends? From where? >>
- Dona Amparo, the truth is that I do not have friends - I said with shame -, if you tell the neighbors I…

- How am I going to beg people, if they never cared about us? The only ones who respected us were the laborers of the farm and Don Ricardo has put them against us. Alejandro, what are we going to do?
- I think we're not going to be able to take him to the cemetery. We do not own a penny and that costs a lot -. I warned the poor woman.
- The bad thing is that Don Michael only gave me that box, after his wife knelt crying at his refusals for me. He accompanied me to the carpentry shop and, almost against his will, ordered: << Give him the cheapest coffin they have, so that this woman will bury that traitorous dog of her husband >> I know that things are difficult, but to bury him in the solar, as he recommended, is a heresy. Bury it on the ground like an animal! That never! - Exclaimed the poor woman convulsed by the crying - The land of the cemetery is a holy field and will be covered by the prayers of the church. The voices of the priests will reach their ears so that God can receive them in their womb.
I remained silent and as night came, I wrapped myself in a blanket and went to sleep lying in a corner. I left the cot free to sleep on it, the anguished mother and child.

At midnight I regained consciousness of what was happening; his body was drenched in sweat, his lips were dry, his breathing was tired, his eyes were irritated, and his entire body trembled. << How did I lose my father and my mother? How have I become traveling garbage? How could I have been a beggar? A tramp! A trash! >> I said to myself in a loud voice, without caring about Dona Amparo pain or that of her son, who were already dozing on the cot that I had been offered days before. << Why is not my old friend's death sad? ... It's as if my heart was made of wood. I loved this family very much and now I detest them, I hate them. Yes, I hate all your putrefying misery. Oh, how I hate Don Pablo! I believe that if he had not died, I would have choked him with my own hands! ... Oh, my God! But what am I saying? No, it cannot be, I love the only friend I've ever had, but I cannot cry. Why could I never cry? God give me rest, give me death! >>
I lost consciousness and could not remember how I ended up in this corner where the cold had wet my only blanket. << I'm freezing. It's late. The lights of the new dawn begin to clear the air, but ... What's wrong? What smells so bad? The place was impregnated with a foul smell of dying. << Cannot be what is stinking like this? >> I got up and my legs faltered at my weakness. I crossed the room and felt that the lady and the child were moving on the cot. I went to the coffin and breathed in a nauseating smell; the corpse was totally decomposed.
- Alexander! - said the lady, and remained silent. I did not want to answer and I kept silent too.
- Do not tell me it's Paul who smells so bad.

- Yes, ma'am - I answered all disoriented.
- But he barely died yesterday afternoon. The corpses, normally, last two or three days.
- What happens is that Don Pablo was not prepared for the vigil. If you give me permission I start digging the grave on the site.
- Not what! - Exclaimed the sad woman - I'm going, right now, to the pastor to tell him what happened. Impossible for him to leave us abandoned.
The woman put on the only decent robe she had and left in search of the blessing of the holy Catholic Church. I went to the solar and with the first rays of the sun and a pike, I started to dig the grave where my friend would rest, free of the songs and hypocrisies of the idolaters of the mud.
My throat was dry. My arms hurt intensely and with each stroke I felt that they were coming off my joints. Cold sweat bathed my forehead and within a few minutes I had to suspend the macabre work. The sun was already shining in the east, not caring that a great man had died. << We all die and the days and the universe continue to march as if they did not care. What a disgrace! >> I thought saddened by the death of my friend. I wanted to drink a little cold coffee, I entered the smelly room and I realized that the child was crying under the blanket. The smell was unbearable. I lost the desire of the red and went to look for pure air. I stayed at the door of the solar, looking at the blue sky and the bright sun. << How different, but how similar these days are to the days when Marisol loved me and we were happy! >>
The minutes passed and, from thought to thought, time went by until.

- Paul! My Pablo, it cannot be! - Dona Amparo shouted when she returned with the accentuated pallor. - All life we ​​paid the tithes fully, all our lives we kept the holidays and gave alms for the sacred sacrament of the altar. We always offer offerings for the fallen lord, and, now, they deny you the blessing of God when you have departed from this world. Alexander! It is going to rob or kill, but you have to get seventy thousand pesos worth the burial. Because it's not just the mass; it is the right to a tomb, to the candles and to the songs in the sacred Eucharist, what we have to pay to have permission to bury Paul.
I covered my ears and sat on the scale that separated me from the cold earth that awaited my soul friend.
- Alejandro, does not play dumb! - Dona Amparo shouted again. He grabbed my hair and dragged me to the side of my broken friend - I bet when I talk to you about Marisol, there you will listen - and indeed, my body reacted to the mention of that name.
- Dona Amparo, did you meet Marisol?
- I was praying in the church and when I left the sacristy, he crossed me to ask me the time of the funeral. I told him that at four o'clock in the afternoon, although I was lying in the same house of the Lord, where they abandoned my husband. I did not have the courage to sadden the only person who has collaborated with us. She gave me two five-thousand-peso bills, with which I'm going to leave for Concordia where a sister of mine lives. The bills were wrapped in this piece of paper.

I sat for a long time, on one side of the makeshift grave. The lady and the boy left thirty minutes after the burial ended; the pain had consumed them and in the middle of the tears they moved away so as not to have to continue supporting the sad spectacle. It seemed to me that life was too unfair and I could not think of what to do. The silence of insignificance and despair enveloped me, before which it could not be modified. I thought I went crazy. A terrible despair seized my whole body; I felt that the fever absorbed me and I began to sweat profusely. That house was completely silent. Full of panic I looked at myself. He looked around the place and did not understand how, fate, could be so raging against a person. Could it be that I can never assimilate with equilibrium, the phenomenon of death? I always thought that the death of a person helped to mature their peers, so that we would not make the same mistakes that the deceased made and so that we could learn to value the beautiful instants that life offers us but ... Why so many dead to My around?  My father, my mother, my girlfriend's brother and my best friend. Definitely, these responsibilities are going to end up driving me crazy. What did the all-powerful imagine? ... That I am made of steel, or what? << My God! What are you doing with me? >> I cried to the edge of despair. I wanted to run without a fixed direction, but instead of doing it I sat on the grave and continued thinking about how unpleasant our condition of mortals was. << It is terrible that any psychopath who wants to kill you can decide on your life; not only that we have to defend ourselves and our mistakes, but we also have to take care of criminal organizations and fate. What a horrible thing! Time was flying and I continued to immerse myself in the well of my short intelligence, trying to catch a solution that did not exist in the cold waters of reason.

-  CHAPTER NUMBER THIRTEEN -


I left without saying my last goodbye to the improvised grave of Don Pablo, and I began to walk the lonely streets. I arrived at the park and when I turned the corner, I stumbled upon "El Guitarrista", who was also in love with my sweet Marisol ...
- Man ... But it's Alejandro! - said my friend, confused by the sorry state in which I was, what happened to you that you look like a walking dead?
- I'm traveling for the next life - I answered sarcastically.
- How? What is it about?
- If you come, with me, I'll explain it to you.
- No, I cannot accompany you. I'm going to a party to which I gladly invite you - explained the boy, who apparently did not realize my mood - if you take a bath and change those rags that make you look like a beggar. Come calm that I lend you a suit.
I had nowhere to go. I accepted the invitation and at two o'clock we entered the living room of a respectable hotel.

- It is a political meeting, which traces the constitutional course by which the people will march in the next two years. It is attended by bankers, journalists, merchants, poets, musicians and talented people. Today I want - continued my friend - that you take the word and launch a true discourse of what life is. I know that in all this time, when you have not done anything, you have become a bold critic, who does not fear or respect the system. We are going to take a few swallows of them and when you are saturated with enthusiasm, you launch an analysis that runs over them in their incapacity, and then we leave; if we are healthy bone - finished saying my friend, with a broad smile on the lips. We entered a small auditorium where there were eighty or one hundred people, who welcomed us cordially. Freshly shaved and elegantly dressed, no one recognized me, the degenerate Bohemian who scandalized the bars. There were the representatives of a wealthy bourgeoisie. A philosophy writer, who had discovered the equation that calculated the weight of time, discussed his postulates with the village baker who had been crazy for a long time. Beyond, a painter who was not a painter, but an excellent draftsman of decadent models. Here, almost at our side, the most dedicated of young politicians who, despite the poverty of their family, tried to break through the ranks of corruption and opportunism. There, on the other side of the room, was the future heir to the biggest fortune that a rancher in the region had amassed and drunk with exaggerated amounts of liquor, next to his girlfriend, who was always uglier than a crocodile. Adult. There were, finally, three or four leaders destined to handle the ideas and actions of all those incomplete men. The place was beautiful and soberly decorated. The blue agapanthus contrasted with the purple red of the roses, which flooded the room with a pleasant fragrance. Everything was very elegant and I began to imagine things in the middle of my poverty. << If I had three or four million pesos, with my knowledge of animals, everything would be different, my beloved. >> I said softly, as I sighed thinking about her.

- How? - Said "the guitarist" who was listening to me -. I thought that all your illusions had died and that today we were going to commit suicide thinking about the love of the princess that drove us crazy. Look, "continued the bohemian singer, while pointing to the table full of glasses of champagne and bottles of other exquisite liquors," so live these thugs who have martyred the humble day laborers since time immemorial. How much I would like to shout at them in the face how ruthless and exploitative they are, but courtesy and decorum will not allow it.
- But not so fast! - I exclaimed alarmed with the resentment of my friend.
We all looked at the table where the waiters, dressed in tuxedo, finished serving the sparkling champagne. He ran the liquor among the people, and his cheeks began to kindle with the noisy tone of the conversations. During the first hour of drunkenness, we all behaved within the limits of what was allowed, but the moment arrived when they began to prepare the microphones that would transmit the message of order and social stability, reason for the present meeting.
- I believe that the first one that should speak is you - advised my friend -, so that they realize once, these idiots, of the kind of people that we are.
- Brother, I still do not feel the effect of the liquor - I lied to disguise my shyness -. If we take about four or five whiskeys in a row, suddenly, I encourage myself to speak before all these mediocre people.
This was done, we advanced to the bar table and with a breathtaking tranquility, we emptied one glass after another, until we were about to lose balance.
- I want you to explain to them that, in politics, being public opinion men, privacy is lost and the freedom to carry out activities that rejoice the soul and free from pressures is cut. Politics is like a prison in which illusions are lost and in which one works on the basis of lies, to deceive others and to deceive themselves.

- What a beautiful thought! - I said giving my friend a compliment. - I congratulate you. I never thought that such brilliant ideas would be generated within you. But let's drink more liquor, because I still do not feel able to communicate our ideas.
We went back to the bar and this time we had cognac. The liquor rose to our brains and began to distort everything. "The guitarist" went to ask for the floor and I do not know how he did it, but before we knew it, two servants were throwing us into the street.
- If you see how those bastards treat us - said my friend completely drunk -, but calm, Alejandro, that no matter how much money they have, they will never be able to enjoy this love that we have for Marisol. When I'm thinking about that woman, cognac, whiskey and all the liquors know me pure water. Alejandro, do you want to die?
- Yes, why do you ask?
- Because I'm going to invite you to drink a really strong liquor, which will raise us to the sky as if we were two planes.
- If the thing is like that, I accept - it was the only thing I managed to say. The two, embraced, walked with difficulty. We went arguing and arguing for the uselessness of life, and, without my suspecting it, we arrived at a gas station.

- He does me the favor and he sells me five thousand pesos of gasoline and he puts them in a bottle - said my disoriented friend, who was no longer able to stand up straight before the amount of liquor we had ingested. The employee, accustomed to dealing with all kinds of people, did not find the order strange and in a dirty bottle of soda, he packed the yellowish liquid. My friend received the fuel and we left in search of darkness and death.
We were sitting in a park on the banks of the river, and the satanic rite began.
- You swear to love her and adore her for all eternity! - asked, solemnly, "the guitarist".
- I swear!
- You swear that in the next life you will let me give her flowers and that I can talk to her!
- I swear!
That man took a sip from the bottle and handed it to me. I thought about it for a few seconds and ... The first of the drinks came down like a ball of fire, and left an unpleasant taste in my mouth and in my whole body. That fuel was more unpleasant than I imagined, however, we continue to drink from that liquid death.
Between swallows of gasoline and oaths, we lost our senses and did not know more about our queen.

Time passed and at dawn a new day, I woke up all wet with the frost of dawn. Beside me was the guitarist completely stiff from the cold of death he wanted. I got up without thinking of my occasional friend and left in search of the house of my horrid aunt.
With a slow and weak step, with my body pounding and a great headache, I arrived at my house. I stopped for a minute before the door, and, making a big effort; I opened the complicated sheets and entered. I was bathed in sweat and my belly was shaking in painful contractions, making me feel very bad. The aunt looked at me with fury, her blue eyes were fixed on me and, with a gesture of disapproving disgust, and she went to the kitchen leaving the way free to the room. I went completely exhausted; I threw myself face down on the bed and stayed there for a long time.
I had no control over anything. My head was a complete mess. Nerves and pain had me totally crazy. No-nonsense ideas followed one another and strange creatures stirred inside me, struggling to get out. The iguanas, the blind snakes and the flying cockroaches, disputed the little that was left of my viscera. The only thing that was saved from that horrible butchery was the liver that hardened with alcohol and, instead of letting itself be annihilated, it began to grow as if it had a life of its own. My belly swelled to accommodate all those new inhabitants. The pain became unbearable and I, in the middle of the fever, unwittingly started screaming pitifully. I listened to the little steps of the bad aunt, closed my eyes and remained silent. The old witch opened the door and stayed a few seconds as if listening, then she heard herself saying:

- Do not worry, that idiot is completely drunk, even if he does not seem so - Then he left leaving the door ajar. Time passed and I, unable to sleep, was tossing and turning in bed in despair. What's happening to me? Could it be that the desired end of my existence is arriving? Why so much pain and so much swelling? ... I think the experiment with gasoline did not work for him but for that miserable one. Yes, that was, gas is good for airplanes and for cars that are steel, but I have not been able to burn everything I have inside. I'm going to die without being able to fulfill my dreams. But what can be done? ... It is better to rest from this empty, bitter and meaningless life. I feel that I am immersed in a vacuum and my body begins to convulse uncontrollably. How? Epilepsy is the only thing that I lacked. The stomach began to grow and my whole body was filled with a putrid and smelly liquid. The bed began to turn, turning my room into the whirlpool of death. I could not resist anymore, and a mouthful of monsters went to stain the blankets, turning them into an orgy of blood and decay.
I have tried in any way against my body. But how not to think it? Gas is neither liquor nor a good thing - I meditated, feeling at the gates of hell -. If I expel everything I have inside, I will be the first man to walk with my belly completely empty. I'm drenched in blood and sweat. The fever has come to me with its pleasant but incomplete chills. The throat and lips have been drying. The pains are unbearable and, with my gaze fixed on the ceiling, the whole house trembles with my pitiful cries.
I woke up on a hospital stretcher. At my side was the old aunt, unchanging and dry. He looked at me with his irritated blue eyes that lacked feeling. I did not say a word. I closed my eyes and tried not to breathe the foul smell that came off my body.

- Let's see, how is the suicide? - said a small and fat doctor, who made me think of Santa Claus - I have to do an endoscopy; It's a bit annoying, but with her we can look at your stomach. Cannot I explain why some young people as good as you and that other boy they found dead near the river assume such an irresponsible attitude to life? ... Your poor aunt already told me all the crazy things you did - finished say threateningly.
A nurse came to my side and began to remove all my clothes. He did a gastric wash and disappeared from my sight. The room was small and next to me, on the other stretcher, breathed a child snorting like an old car. Time passed and, for my punishment, the doctor returned.
- You have to collaborate a lot, because the exam is a bit difficult - he warned while lubricating a black hoses that had a viewfinder at the tip and about fifty centimeters in length.
- There will be the mouth, young man, and do as if he were swallowing saliva. Agree?
- Yes, doctor - I replied emboldened. The doctor inserted the hose into my throat and began to push gently, as if I were swallowing swords. That was very annoying but there was no solution. I felt immense desire to vomit and the doctor interrupted for a few seconds the descent of the thick hose. Making a big effort I controlled myself and that device descended to the inside of my stomach. I remained motionless with the immense object inside me. The little man looked at what needed to be looked at and pulled out the device gently. I wanted to vomit but in my battered organism there was only the painful swelling on the right side of my belly. He made me lie on my back and checked my abdomen for a long time, without saying a word. With a serious look he went to a small library, sat down and was reading about twenty minutes. I did not realize when he got up, but soon he arrived with two other doctors who gently felt my swelling. They left for a moment as if to deliberate, and then the fat doctor came back.

- Listen, Alejandro, you've finished with the liver. I'm going to prescribe a drug that you have to take at face value. I also want you to drink a lot of liquid and for nine days you will have some artichoke drinks. The liquor is completely forbidden. I'm not going to hide anything from you, because I know you're a brave guy. He is in grave danger of death; his liver presents symptoms that are not flattering at all. He already has a cancer and has only a few months to live. He's going to go to the house and in nine days he'll come back with good judgment, have what we do ... Ready?
- Ready, doctor - I answered with insensibility.
- We left the place with much difficulty. My legs half responded and my aunt's words did not help much either.
- Alejandro, from this one you're going to escape, you're all yellow and you have dark circles under your eyes that are dead skin. A friend of mine, who died of cancer, had dark circles like yours - he wrote without caring about my feelings.
<< Well, if I have better cancer; in this life I have nothing left to do. The cards I had to play, I played them and without Marisol's love nothing makes sense anymore ... I thought bitterly, while my body moved like that of a traveling corpse. I was in bed for three days. The old one of my aunt like that discovered the feeling of the mercy, and she offered me the foods opportunely. My body was dehydrated and my brain was feverish. The ideas crossed clear and I began to plan a terrible thing. Within a few days he would be the happiest killer on earth.

- CHAPTER NUMBER FOURTEEN -

I passed by the front of the canteen and greeted kindly the people who were there. A woman of about forty-seven was smoking quietly, listening to the bartender's slow talk; at his side he waited impatiently for a young girl who, surely, was his daughter. At the other end of the counter, Michael, with his arms folded and a face of deep boredom, surely regretting having liquidated the old man with blows, answered the greeting without suspecting anything. I went to the corner, I looked everywhere and when no one was looking I took refuge in the darkness and pressed my body against the wall of the first house. In that block there were only three houses with their wide gardens. I stepped on the wet grass and, in a few seconds, I reached the murky brown color that enclosed the garden of the middle house. Without any difficulty I surpassed those seventy centimeters of fence that would be the perfect refuge in my macabre project. I was very lucky, I passed by the front of the second house and nobody noticed my presence. The street was completely silent and surely people were sleeping. It was eleven forty-five minutes of the night, now only fifteen minutes were left for my rival to walk along the sidewalk, near the wall where I was hiding. The apex of my refuge was submerged in total darkness. At midnight, they closed the shop invariably. I took a breath and took a deep breath, trying to calm my agitated heart that was jumping like crazy. I checked the pockets of my jacket and on the left side was the cold dagger, in the other pocket the balaclava and the scarf rested, hoping to hide my face. At that time the street was completely deserted. All the people were sleeping. Only the boring chatter of the lord of the bar was heard. There was that abominable being that had killed Don Pablo. Between the door of that place and the place where I was hiding, there were approximately five meters. Why do not I give up all this ridiculousness? ... I did not want to answer that silly question and I listened carefully. The thin bartender told the story of a cow whose calves were removed and the wounds left after the operation were getting infected. I looked everywhere and there was no one; I pressed the knife against my body and heard the crunching of the newspaper that wrapped around it. Will I have the strength to kill him? - I thought - The weakness filled my whole body, or will it be the fear that absorbs me? That man is very strong and ... Why am I so nervous if everything is already decided? I started to take a deep breath and listened for a long time.
Everything acquired a special brightness. The night shone in bright colors when my enemy came out. He moved as if in slow motion, approached the place where I was waiting for him and made a big mistake. I got up from the darkness and stared into his eyes. Fearing that Michael would be scared, I raised a hand over the wall to hinder the passage of that idiot.

- Wait a moment, sir - I said with absolute serenity -, I have to tell you something very important.
I jumped with agility over the wall and was across the front of my scared rival. The man looked at me from head to toe and stared at me, as if understanding what was happening. He looked at me with pride and burlesque bravery. A few seconds passed and Michael's eyes were filled with fury. My whole body began to tremble and my knees threatened to bend due to weakness and fever. At that moment I thought that everything was lost.
- I know that you are a very wealthy man and I need you to lend me five thousand pesos - I said without any control over my words -, because the son of the late Don Pablo is dying of fever and the wife does not have money to take him where he doctor.
My brain was a sea of ​​confusion, none of those ridicule was planned. Fortunately my rival was more idiotic than everyone.
- The medical center is open at this time, but the consultation is worth seventeen thousand pesos and I do not have all that cash on me. Michael said.
- It does not matter - I argued -, I can implore the charity of the neighbor if you help me with the five thousand pesos.
- What's wrong with him being so agitated?
- Is that I came running - I answered without knowing what else to say. My head was spinning and weakness took over my whole body. I began to sweat profusely and I myself revealed myself to what was going to happen.
- Are you sure that amount is enough? - asked my beloved's husband with suspicion. I did not answer anything and he, moving a little towards the light, took out his wallet and giving me his back so that I could not observe the money he had, he started looking for the smallest bills. I took the knife out of my jacket and without waiting for it I waited a second. My body was filled with fury and recovering all my energies I squeezed the weapon with force.

- You are in good luck; I have three tickets of two thousand pesos. If you have something left over, buy candy for the young man on my own - recommended the smiling usurper. He turned and took a step toward me, with the bills in his hand. I, without knowing what I was doing, stuck the knife in his chest. Michael shuddered, screamed and left behind. Fallen on the ground he rolled around trying to cover the stream of blood that escaped from the dirty heart that had snatched the woman of my dreams. The blood ran in abundance and the man began to stand still and pale as a wall. I turned in the air like a feather fanned by the wind and, in less than what a rooster sings, I was lying next to the dead man. Completely bathed in sweat and with a dry throat, I watched as Michael lifted one of his hands and began to carry trunks of blood to his mouth; the man tasted those clots as if they were treats. The atmosphere was filled with an intense chocolate odor, the blood began to turn a dark brown and Michael rose quickly. I was petrified on the ground; my enemy jumped the wall and fell a few inches from my head. He bent down and grabbed me by the shoulders and asked me:
- Alejandro, what are you doing there asleep? Do not you realize that the night is too cold and you can get sick?
The terrifying reality fell on me. I had fallen asleep while I was waiting for my enemy and now he was facing me, trying to collaborate with his future murderer. I sent my hand to the pocket where I had the dagger and there it was. I squeezed hard and I wanted my soul to fill with hate.
- I've noticed that now, lately, you've been very poor. If you want tomorrow you go through the farm that I can offer you work. I have three thousand five hundred laying hens and a man who knows so much about these animals could be very useful to me.
That was the drop that overflowed the cup, I squeezed the knife until it started hurting me, I thought about it again and I was not able to kill that ridiculous guy. I stood up like lightning and despite my weakness, I could say with a strange contained force:

- Thank you, sir, I do not need anything from you.
I hurried away and the darkness absorbed my figure and my cowardice. I did not find anyone on the way back. He knew very well that my enemy had not suspected anything and that he would never guess that I was crouched waiting to kill him ... << What if I return and kill, at once, that bastard? Do not! I could not resist it! It would be a charge of conscience that would cover the face and arms of my beloved with blood. How could he caress her with his hands stained by the dark blood of a murder? What would I answer when she asked me if I had anything to do with the crime? What I do? I throw the knife or keep it? It is awful! All this is horrible! >>
There was my aunt's house. I reached the door and played softly. I had already saved myself from having made a terrible mistake. I felt bad and almost lost almost sense. I remembered that he had stolen the keys to the house that night; I searched desperately in my pockets, and, after opening the metallic and noisy door, I began to walk on the balls of my feet to avoid making noise. I had reached the door of my room when I remembered the hideous knife. Now I lacked that unpleasant mission, for not having thrown the rusty instrument in the middle of any pasture. The kitchen was locked and I had to put the knife through the slot between the door and the floor. I pushed it hard and then went to sleep. I entered the room and threw myself on the bed without undressing. I was completely exhausted, although I could not sleep. He was sweating with jets and his whole body was soaking wet.

The hours passed and the days passed, and I could not move away from the obsessive thought that forced me to think about magical strategies that would free my beloved from the terrible oppression. It is incredible the loss of values ​​that society is suffering. For those who think they are good, the mediocre always have a punishment that is applied without mercy. I am in the twilight and I feel that people are happy about that. The man is a fragile being by nature and that one of them shows a bit of perfection, it is not forgiven by the mob of poor ​​who could never dream. The blind mass of society crushes the deluded people who look at the splendor of a golden wheat field, those who vibrate with the blue green of the enchanted fountains, who feel the murmur of the disheveled willows in the cold afternoons hopes The romantics who perceive the grandiosity of a germinating seed, who yearn for the peace of a family life, are those that the materialist society considers a backward, in the crazy world of conveniences. I have not been a tycoon, or an industrialist, or an intellectual or anything, but I had a great sin that has me stuck in the darkness of punishment that does not deserve. I have fallen in love with a spectacular and unforgettable woman, although I did not deserve it. From the day I saw her, love got stuck in my soul and became the goal and reason of my life; but neither she, nor her father, nor the soulless society could understand it. Someone, without compassion, told me that pawn does not eat queen, but I wanted to reveal myself against the established and I dreamed of absorbing the dew of a beautiful rose, although I only got the stinging thorn of an unattainable love. I do not know who invented chess, I do not know who invented the patterns of social behavior, I do not know who invented the hypocrisy to sell for a bit of gold. Love was the only thing I learned and the only thing I feel is the pain in the wings of a free and wild love, that when caught, began to hit against the walls of bitterness and despair. People have scrubbed me salt in the wounds, with appropriate comments for cowards. But what do they know about the sweet kisses of an enchanted woman? I am not against anything. I do not care if the pigs wallow in the swamp of their anguish and their lies, I do not care if the beasts of the Yankees make two or three days in their jobs; to me, the only thing that interests me is the sudden change of my beloved. Change? ... That never happened, it was his exaggerated class, that for money he sold and that with tears he is paying. I'm debating like a sleepwalker who has lost the rhythm of life. Now I do not know what to do with this fear of existence, reflected in the anguish of my infinite loneliness. I am alone in this world and fighting against everything; I stood up and stumbled, falling into the mud pit of incomprehension. Dirty and disgusting mud, which buried the roses planted in the garden of hopes.
<< Since I have not been able to kill him directly, I will move in the dimension of the gods and surpassing the physical condition, where consciousness reigns, I will fly in the world of the fairies, where everything is possible, and, storing the psychic energy as a dynamo, I will release it loaded with negativism on the path that my rival follows >> I am lying in a dirty bed. It's about two o'clock in the morning and the silence of absolute solitude freezes the blood in my veins, filling all the space with the smell of death. I'm going to concentrate to release the spirit like the Peter Pan fairy; I begin to breathe slowly, I enter into a relaxing slumber, I feel the sensation that I am getting up and, suddenly, a wake of light envelops me and raises me in the air. I'm on the roofs and in the background you can see the landscape of the deserted streets Oh, my God! I'm flying and I do not feel the sticky feeling of my body. Everything is crystalline, calm and eternal. I move forward and, before I know it, I am observing the imposing farm where my beloved lives. I slide easily and enter the luxurious mansion. The floors are polished marble and luxury and cleanliness make the place shine. I go to the main room and there she is, alone and tucked into a discreet pajamas with pants; It is completely uncovered because the blankets have rolled and are on the floor. Could it be that he does not feel cold on this winter night? I stare at her and she shifts uneasily, as if she is feeling my presence. He sits on the bed and looks at where I am, I disappear like a lightning bolt. I begin to walk the mansion and in the tranquility of the night I perceive the snoring of the head of the home. I slide to that room and the reason for all my anguish rests, lying on the bed, like a pig. He is fatter than ever, and his face convulses, breathing hard. I cannot control my feelings, the testosterone levels inside me are excessively high and I feel an immense hatred for my rival. What is this? Why despise him in this way? The sex hormones and, in fact, the whole endocrine system plays a leading role in it. I begin to store the psychic energy and, concentrating all my power, I release it against my enemy, who shudders at the feeling that his heart explodes in a thousand pieces. It has been all the biological currents that, in a high voltage, crashed into the dirty heart of man. I feel that everything is spinning and I'm going off like a feather in a swirl of wind. The space opens in a tunnel of light, peace and eternity. I feel that my essence tends towards him. With great difficulty I resign to die. I have suffered a lot, however, I still have the strength to fulfill an earthly mission because, secretly, I still keep the hope of having my Marisol. Everything is clear to me. Below, the cold, transparent night is covered with the bluish light that the moon and the stars send. I, leaving a trail of fire, like the dreamer comets, came to my body and I find it cold and almost stiff. It gives me a lot of work to start breathing and, with great effort; I get rid of this horrible nightmare and sit on the bed, bathed in a cold sweat. << What a beautiful feeling of peace and tranquility! What an ugly dream I just invented! >> I throw myself again in the dirty mattress and I begin to meditate ... << In the mountains of my land there is a very popular story, which tells of some witches, who come out at night to fly. In large fireballs, we always see them cross, inspired by the story, the fairy Peter Pan. I do not know what will be true an unreal comment, but the old say: << There are, there are >>

- CHAPTER NUMBER FIFTEEN -

I had been living on the street for several days.
My life was submerged in anguish and despair. In my brain they rang the words of my aunt, the day she threw me from her house and left me lying on a sidewalk.
- Because you do not work? Why do not you do something and earn your own money? ... I do not think that getting drunk with vagabonds is love. Thanks to my God, that girl did not mess with a degenerate like you. Alejandro this house is mine and I like to live alone, so from today I do not want to see you more here.
That's how that unjust woman treated me. With her, for me, everything was words of recrimination and never a voice of encouragement. Did not I suffer when, a few days ago, Mr. Michael hit Don Pablo while I was drunk? Is it that she believes that my soul does not hurt to see that the old man dragged like a worm? ... I have no one to address, I have nowhere to direct the steps, but it does not matter; suppose that I am a pig and that Marisol is a lady. I am like a beast and in that same way I will behave. The only thing I have left is the lucidity of the mind, and I will have to use all its strength, before it becomes cloudy in the middle of all my ridiculous dreams, and lose my beloved forever.
My whole body is drenched in sweat, my lips dry and my eyes lost in the non-existent future. At each moment I lose consciousness; I'm surprised I cannot remember well the process in which I've stayed in the street like a dog. Now its midnight, the shadows cover everything and the air is very suffocating. The streets are lonely and I, lying on the floor, I cannot explain what it is that has led me to this state of prostration. What's wrong? ... On the sidewalk in front of me a woman looks at me insistently, I watch her closely and I can appreciate the golden curls that escape from the dark mantle of her memories. Yes, there is Marisol, and she is calling me timidly. Surely he is afraid of the deplorable state in which I find myself. I stuck my head in wanting to hide from her, and remained hunched for long minutes. When I thought that she had abandoned the terrible mission of talking to a beggar, I raised my head and, to my surprise, that precious angel had crossed the road and was about twenty steps from my nauseating shelter. I felt that shame crushed me, I wanted the world to open and swallow me body and soul. A few bitter seconds passed and, finally, I had to look at her. He was standing there and, in silence, he was sobbing bitterly. His eyes were full of tears and his chest was shaking convulsed by the sadness of seeing me in this state. She called me anguished and I, making an effort on human, started to stand up. The forces left me and my mouth hit the floor, making me feel the taste of blood stirred with dust. I had no more courage and I lay there, trying not to listen to the pitiful cries that the inconsolable princess let out. That was unbearable. With a lot of pain, I turned my body and began to look at her head on. I was more beautiful than ever. An elegant black suit clung to his body, highlighting the impressive figure of a woman in the maximum development of his youth. The tears she let loose and her deep sadness accentuated the magical charm of her femininity. She consents that my eyes watched her, she begged me desperately to accompany her. I, totally defeated, I supported my bloody face against the floor and enjoyed the refreshing cold of Mother Earth. Marisol continued contemplating my agony, and, realizing that I was a lost case, turned and walked away slowly, marking, with the rhythm of his heels on the pavement, the insecure step of a desperate angel. She was like an idiot and in the midst of her sadness; she started walking towards the bad side of the city. In that area dozed on the sidewalks old prostitutes, men finished by vice and venereal diseases, alcoholics and all the vermin who did not have a home to take refuge. For the first time, my thinking was clear. Marisol was entering the wolf's mouth. How will they respect, those insatiable beasts, a beautiful young woman who was alone and helpless. The alarm spread in my mind, I gathered all the strength and my weak limbs responded with difficulty. I started walking as if I were drunk and, luckily, I was able to observe the last second when he turned the corner. I was a long block ahead and I did not have breath or to ask for help. Making an effort superior to the wreck of my organism, I walked and began to sweat with jets. For a second I lost my balance and thought I was plunging into the abyss of unconsciousness; I embraced on a cold pole of light and with great difficulty I breathed until I regained my breath. Those eighty meters were endless, my throat was parched and my tongue stiffened like a stick. I thought about a soda with a lot of ice and, instantly, I reproached myself for the nonsense I was doing. Marisol is in a very big danger and I'm thinking of sodas with ice. I picked up the pace and when I turned the corner, I could see it fifty meters away. I wanted to scream and my tired voice refused to leave. I felt that my chest was breaking with anguish when the men who were sitting on the sidewalk looked at her as she passed by. A big black guy got up and it went very close. She did not flinch and with her purse in hand she continued her slow walk. Then "Bambán" rose up, a fat chubby man who, with his clear eyes and idiotic look, licked his lips thinking about something very dirty. They were spinning with fear. They looked at her suspiciously and watched everywhere as if waiting for a trap. From the group in the dark a girl ran out, snatched her purse and with the hard pull pulled her away and threw her to the floor. Marisol did not know what to do; she did not even manage to scream. The men jumped on him and tore his clothes. His white skin gleamed. The fat man opened a knife and watched while the black and the other vicious jumped on the prey. My strength was going, I felt everything was spinning and refusing to fall, I cried with all my strength and woke up. I was sweating with jets. << What a terrible nightmare! >> I closed my eyes and, mentally, I thanked God because everything was a bad dream.

People passed by me. My whole body was burning with fever and I, sitting in one of the park chairs, was not ashamed of my miserable rags. My defeat had become a pleasant detachment from material life. All the vanities, for which I always cared, now I did not care anymore. Eat? Sleep? To wallow in the pain of my illness? Give a bad image? Awakening compassion? ... Nothing mattered to me anymore. Now he was dead and my inner rejoicing told me that he no longer belonged to this world. It would be two o'clock in the afternoon when I took the last drink of alcohol, I felt very well and in my chest the total happiness was shaken. For those ironic things of life, in these moments that I am evicted by doctors, I begin the true pleasure of living for life.
- I almost cannot find you! - said a delicious voice beside me. I raised my head and with my eyes painfully irritated, I watched Marisol looking straight at me. I was stupefied at the sight of that impressive woman. Today she was taller than ever, her beautiful hair reflected the golden rays of the sun. He looked at me with an unsuspected serenity for his weak character. With a long dress to the floor, she looked like a queen who came to give me the final verdict.
- Alejandro, how could you get to that state? Do not you know how much I need you and how much I have loved you with all the strength of my soul? - She asked, when she noticed my decay - The only thing I can tell you, is that I will never abandon you for anything in the world. I know that everything that has happened to you is my fault, but forgive me, that now I have returned so that we can leave together wherever you want. I am yours and my heart was always from the day I met you ... My duties have thrown you into vice, but from today we will have a new opportunity. Alejandro, can you forgive me for this long absence?

- Get away! Leave me please! - I begged with an anguished voice - Do not you see what I'm dying? I want you to stay away and keep a good image of me. Very recently, doctors diagnosed me with cancer of the liver. Leave me, I do not want you to witness my death.
- Death? - Asked Marisol with her face bathed in tears - You cannot die, because now I am by your side to take care of you and protect you, my love! I'm going to give you all the love you've always dreamed of ... You cannot die now that I'm completely free, because four days ago we buried the man to whom I swore allegiance to God and who, thanks to my prayers, she went to rest in the peace of the Lord, to leave the road free for both of us - I was like a dazed to hear those words and she, to get me out of the lethargy, she repeated again - Yes, Alejandro, my husband died of a fulminating heart attack and, now, I am all yours and I hope you take advantage of it so that we can enjoy our sacred love. Do you think we can live on a farm, away from this ungrateful world?
- I do not know why morbid pleasure I had the doctor write me his fatal diagnosis - I said taking the results of the tests I had done a few days ago and handing them to Marisol - Love of my life! I believe it is better to say goodbye to us forever!
- Say goodbye? - she asked, stunned.
- Clear! Are you not reading the doctor's opinion?

She did not trust my words and, clutching the dirty piece of paper, she got into her car and hurried away in search of the medical center. I kept thinking about his delicious figure. I wanted to write a poem of loneliness and sadness, but I did not have in what. How many nice things can be done with a piece of paper and an insignificant pencil? I do not understand how, the rulers of the world, send to sacrifice the humble petty thieves who did not have the same opportunities as them? ... The heartless minions will pay, in the flesh of their children, the tears of mothers, in the poor communes that they sent to clean. May God protect the shielded murderers behind a well-to-do duty, because the balance of cold nature will balance with pain the weight of their evil deeds? Today God is punishing me with death, for having had such bad thoughts in wanting the disappearance of my rival.
Marisol returned and hugged me with a strength that was superior to my few resistances. I felt that the world was a whirlpool and I lost myself through it. I returned from that emptiness when the tears of my beloved covered my whole face. I felt the salty taste of his tears in my mouth and it seemed delicious to me. That test of love made me very happy ... << I will no longer have to go down to the tomb in total and terrifying solitude. The most beautiful woman in the world is going to be crying next to me, and that fills me with proud joy.
- Marisol, I love you! I have always loved you with all my heart, even though I was a failure.
- Do not say that, my love! - Marisol interrupted me very sad - I have a lot of money and we are going to visit the best doctors in the United States of America, because I do not believe in the analysis of these idiotic doctors.
- There is nothing to do! - I said calmly - I, anyway, I'm going to die and that's going to be tonight. I want to ask you a favor. I hope you give it to me and then leave quietly, because with that you'll show me if it's true that you love me. Do you agree?
- But, Alejandro! How do you come up with that nonsense? - protested scared.
- You love me, yes or no? - I asked stubbornly.
- Yes

- You will obey me for the first and only time, yes or no?
- Yes - Marisol answered sobbing.
- Are you going to go to your house, tomorrow we will talk about the trip?
- If you want it, yes.
- Well, then you do me the favor and give me three thousand pesos to buy half a bottle of alcohol, because I want to die drunk.
- Is that, really, you want to die? - Marisol asked me with unusual courage.
- Yes, I want to die - I said calmly. Marisol took out the checkbook and with shaking hand signed me six blank checks. He plucked them, one by one, and handed them to me. I stared at her and said:
- I do not have a pen - she reached out her trembling hand and lent me her own. I started writing and filled out the first check for three hundred pesos. Then I took the other checks and tore them to pieces.
- Marisol, do you do me one last favor? ... But without crying, because I do not like women who cry - she did not answer anything, and I continued with my macabre game -. Go to the corner and buy me half a bottle of ethyl alcohol, then tell the gentleman to give you a little water and I just filled it up. Did you understand?
- Yes - he answered sobbing, and began to walk in search of the order, showing an unsuspected obedience. The most proud and rebellious woman in the universe, was buying a crap of dirty alcohol, for the most unsuccessful tramp in life ... That was very beautiful, definitely my life was intense and beautiful until the end. Marisol left the store with the unmistakable bottle in her hand. He walked with elegance and missing a few steps to get to my side, released a sad smile as mocking what he was doing.

- If you're going to die, I want to stay by your side until that happens - she ordered with the strength that always characterized her. I did not say anything, because I knew that was final. He sat next to me and began to say:
- There is something you must know before you die - I remained silent and she, a few seconds later, continued - Do you remember on what date we buried Marcelo my brother? ... That was the first of June. You remember? Imagine that my daughter, Carolina, was born on the fourth of March of the following year ... precisely nine months after my last meeting with you. I always had problems with Michael, our marriage never worked because I never slept with him.
- Do not tell me? - I asked sarcastically - So he was content with your sweet friendship.
- Even if you do not believe it, true love is above material things - she explained in disgust.
- Yes? Do not tell me! - I said mockingly. I uncapped the bottle and was going to take a drink when she told me:
- The girl has the smile and the same as yours and knows that you are her dad, and that very soon we will be together.
That was unheard of. Without knowing why, I was letting Marisol talk more than I would have liked. I thought about the girl I still did not know and something exploded inside my body, and, full of a renewing force, I gave up my ridiculous pride and decided to take what belonged to me. I turned the bottle over and observed the crystalline liquid falling on the grass. She looked me in the eyes and asked me:
- Why did you vote?
- Because I do not want to die anymore, because I want to know my daughter, because I believe in you and in the sincerity of your words - I said thinking calmly.
- Yes? ... Then you can die or not die, when you want?
- Yes, because I have a part of God inside and that makes me very special.

Epilogue

Then what happened to us?
- My body re-greened like an old trunk fallen on the moisture of the good earth. The buds sprouted with the green of hope and we began to enjoy the peace of a quiet home, adorned by the smile and the intelligent brightness of my little daughter's eyes. Everything began to shine with the magic of a well-made fairy, which arrived at the precise moment to let us enjoy the warmth of a simple and pleasant world.
But, what happened?
Love! ... The love that covers everything, becoming a stream of happiness that hits us making us vibrate with happiness and delight, became a miraculous medicine that left me completely healthy. The purity of our desires, wrapped in the crystalline brilliance of a contained passion, made the hours fly while my hand caressed the hairs of an enchanted goddess, who offered me the sweetness of a fleshy mouth, which was offered in the softness of the mother-of-pearl. His teeth and the intoxicating purple of his intense desires. That firm and velvety body, revived in me, the youth and the ardor that a few years ago almost took me to the edge of madness. That spellbinding nymph dragged me into an atmosphere of life and eternity, allowing me to discover the true world of love and infinite faith, where there is no space, no time, and no pain of difficulties that turn into sweet challenges. In the universe that Marisol took me there are only tunnels of overflowing joy, where the smallest detail is infinitely beautiful. In these days of union, we have discovered the perfect symphony of an unsuspected world. The smell of the new bread, the relaxing song of the birds that climb over the ripe bananas, the silver shine of a trout with the seal of a dinner and the contemplation of the eucalyptus trees that, with their grandeur, explain why we are eternal. The cold and gray afternoons of my beloved town, highlighted the warmth of our enchanted home. We are living in the frequency of love without conditions, in the frequency of total surrender, where there is no space or time for anything other than love. A true and eternal love. I did not want to be a hero, I did not want to be a virtuoso, I just want to enjoy life and that sun called Marisol that has made me a happy God. For me there is no longer hell, nor sin, nor repentance, nor bliss; for me there is only the eternal happiness of a sincere love. After having loved the most beautiful of creatures, there is only satisfaction and rejoicing. Poor the virtuous who fight against the flesh and against their desires, trying to grow in their spirituality ... How wrong they are, because it only takes a great love to free us from time, space, sin, repentance and make us what we are, ETERNAL BEINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HAPPINESS OF A MIGRICAL AND COLORFUL UNIVERSE. The man, who knows and enjoys true love, overcomes death and enjoys eternal life, without needing to be crucified. << Thank you Marisol beautiful, because you have shown me the path that leads me to eternal life and teaches me that my conscience and my spirit are eternal! >> << Dear Nietzsche, the love of a princess with strawberry mouth, has made me the superman you always imagined! ... Now I am aware of my grandiosity, now I own my present, my past and my future, because I have understood that everything is part of eternal unity and man is the center of it. The universe goes far beyond what we see and grasp our senses; the universe is that immense light that dwells within us.

Beginning